


Emotional Bunk Buddies

by Bam4Me



Series: Roommates/Headmates Whatever [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Academy Era, After math tho and AU, Alien Penises; now in ten fun new shapes, Bottom Jim, Casual Sex, Dirty Talk, Feral Spock, First of a series, Fuckbuddies, Jim is eighteen, Jim likes being used, Leonard got Joanna in the divorce, M/M, Mentions of an orion pirate ship, Mind Meld, Overstimulation, Porn With Plot, Roommates, Side pairings are Uhura/Gaila and McCoy/Sybok in sequels, Slave mentions, Soulmates, Spock is twenty, Starfleet Academy, T'hy'la, Tarsus IV, Teenage Drama, The characters know nothing but the readers know everything, Top Spock, Vulcan Culture has no taboo against casual sex, Vulcan Stands, Wet & Messy, Young Love, in a good way, only a little tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-13 18:40:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11191032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bam4Me/pseuds/Bam4Me
Summary: In which Spock cannot figure out how to shield himself from Jim's emotions, that is, until he stops trying at all and figures out that it works just as well.**Read the timeline in the notes, this is neither TV or Movie canon, this is almost completely AU in terms of timeline.





	1. Say Hi To The Audience

**Author's Note:**

> Timeline: George and Winona are both alive, admirals in Starfleet now. Jim and Sam grew up on ships with them for the most part, being all over the place. (Jim might have a petulance for never staying on a planet for more than a few years at a time.) This continued on till Jim was 14, when he went to stay with his grandparents on Tarsus IV, and when things all went to shit, Starfleet took too long to come rescue them. Jim somehow managed to get them all off the planet on a really crappy shuttle that broke down at the next M class planet they could find and they had to bargain with pirates to get passage back to Earth from there on, but thankfully, they were at least fed and given medical attention. It took till Jim was sixteen for them to get back to Earth, and by that time his parents thought he was dead. After he got back he was in Iowa till he was old enough to join Starfleet, then the timeline is now. Whenever Jim talks about taking care of a kid, it's Kevin, because Kevin was too young to know what was going on so he pretty much needed Jim's constant attention then, so hence the comments about him being a nanny for two years without pay.
> 
> gatersgonewild.tumblr.com

Most of the time, Jim couldn’t help himself. He was abrasive, he tended to talk too loud and if he wasn’t talking loud he was eyeing people up, wondering who might do the most damage to him if a situation turned sour. But still, he couldn’t help himself, put a cute kid in front of him and he was happier than anything.

 

He cooed down at the two year old lounging back in his lap against his legs. She was a little big to be so relaxed, -at least, Kevin never was at that age, he was a little bundle of energy- but the gruff looking man who had handed her off to him about ten minutes ago had said she was tired. Jim just grinned and watched her stuff the ear of her teddy bear in her mouth, smiling when she tried to keep her eyes open, and ultimately failed.

 

Her daddy was still a little bit blood coated, and while Jim had never exactly let that keep him from holding a child before, he knew some parents were pretty iffy about that sort of thing. He gave the girl a wry smile before looking back to the other cadet in the elevator with them.

 

They were on the west side of the campus, in a broken elevator while the good doctor worked on a bleeding cadet on the other side of the space.

 

“He gonna be okay?”

 

The cadet, David something or other, had -had, being the active word here,- his bone sticking out of his leg before the doctor had shoved the little girl in Jim’s arms and gotten another cadet -and Jim didn’t blame him, because Waynat was older and stronger than Jim- to help him stabilize it. Jim is starting to think that paranoia wasn’t the only reason to travel with a medical bag when you’ve got a toddler on your hip and possibly horrible situations around every corner.

 

The man nodded with a grunt. David was passed out on the floor and Waynat was slumped down at his side in the corner, looking exhausted. He didn’t blame him at all, it was nearly 0200 and the only thing keeping Jim from joining him was adrenaline. He could probably make it all the way till tomorrow night if he had to. He was used to that sort of thing.

 

And yet, out of all of them, he’d been put on baby duty. Jim stopped him before he could reach for the kid, palm out towards him while the doctor gave him a grumpy frown. Jim grabbed his backpack from where he’d dropped it next to him on the ground and opened up the top zipper to it, tugging out a water bottle and handing it to him. The man was surprised for a few seconds by took it with a smile, moving so he could pull off the stuffy red cadet jacket and clean the blood off his hands with the water. Jim tossed another water bottle to Waynat on the other side of the elevator before either of them looked suspicious.

 

“You ready for something to happen, kid?”

 

Jim raised an eyebrow at him, tiredly slumping back but letting him take the kid back into his own arms, pacing with her passed out against his chest, restless now. “I’m always ready for something. It’s hard not to be once you’ve learned it.”

 

Waynat looked at him with big inhuman eyes. Jim thought they were a pretty colour of shining black. “Been through some shit, huh? You’re pretty young.”

 

Jim frowned. “You don’t have to be older to experience bad things. Children rarely know how to protect themselves, it’s up to those who can protect them to keep them safe.”

 

The doctor raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re cheerful, kid. Somebody fucked you up.”

 

Jim shrugged. “Well, being stuck in a broken elevator for an hour with no physical sign that anyone’s coming for us yet? This is as cheerful as I’ll get. Hey, if one of you can give me a boost, I think I know how to get that panel open.”

 

He pointed to a panel on the ceiling, before stumbling up from the floor, holding onto the wall as it almost seemed like he was spinning for a second, and he slowly brought a hand up to his throbbing skull, holding it with a frown.

 

“Quit moving kid, you got a goose egg on your head from the landing, you’re lucky it didn’t knock you out.”

 

Did he? Wow, Jim does _not_ remember that. “But we need to get out of here.”

 

The two remaining conscious people in the elevator shared a look between them and Jim looked down with a shudder, trying to breath through the throbbing in his head. He could make it through this. He’s made it through worse. He just needs to get past the need to vomit first.

 

Waynat was standing in front of him before Jim knew it, and Jim looked up at him with a hand bracing himself on the guard rail. “I can reach the ceiling, just tell me how to open it.”

 

Jim nodded, following him to the other corner of the elevator.

 

It wasn’t until the campus security got into the collapsed tunnel the elevator had been trapped in to get them out, that Jim realized he didn’t know the man or the kid’s name. “I’m Jim Kirk.”

 

The man raised an eyebrow at the name, everyone on campus knew Admiral’s Kirk. Both of them. “Leonard McCoy. This is Joanna.”

 

Jim nodded, watching them lower a stretcher through the dismantled ceiling to get David up and through. “Cute kid.”

 

“You’re good with kids.”

 

Jim did smile at that, he could never help himself. “I uh… for about two years I was sort of a nanny, I guess. Fourteen to sixteen.”

 

“Sort of?”

 

Jim shrugged. “Well, generally, nannies get paid, I wasn’t paid.”

 

Leonard looked at Jim for a long time, like he couldn’t read him, and Jim didn’t blame him much.

 

When he was his turn to start climbing out of the hole they’d found themselves in, he had to be helped, too concussed to really climb out on his own. He didn’t make it back to his dorm till the next morning around 0830.

 

Which is why he’d almost managed to sleep through it when his new roommate finally got there a few hours later, but he blearily blinked his eyes open in time to watch a tall figure in all black putting things away in drawers. To the other man’s credit, he was actually being very quiet, Jim was just too paranoid to sleep through much.

 

When he turned around, he seemed almost struck still, looking down at Jim with dark brown eyes and green tinted skin. Vulcan, it seems. Jim had been hoping to make a good impression on his new roommate, he wasn’t the easiest person to live with, he knew that, he was too loud and abrasive, and sometimes he said things he knew would be mean just because he wanted people to leave him alone. He’d been hoping that he could make a very good impression on someone he might be spending the year with.

 

He’s not sure what his mouth had been thinking when he sleepily tried to greet him, but gosh dang it, this was not what he had in mind. “S’got pretty ears, I like green.”

 

He promptly rolled over and went back to bed, never once seeing the shocked, raised eyebrows the vulcan was giving him. Well, he wanted to make an impression.

 

***

 

Leonard didn’t know how the hell he’d made friends with an eighteen year old with a petulance for stealing his daughter, but he has. He was thankful for that one thing though, because Joanna had a tendency to cling, and Leonard only had so many hands. It’s almost as if Jim was sure he could live his life with a baby on his hip.

 

“I don’t think my new roommate likes me.”

 

“New? You had one before this one?”

 

Jim nodded, flopping back against the bench the two of them were sitting on. Joanna was playing on a playground with a betazoid female about ten years old. The betazoid seemed quite content to let her direct their play, following her quiet -and sometimes unspoken- direction without protest. Leonard just hoped Jim didn’t decide to lay in the grass again this time, because the hives he’d gotten the day before when Leonard had come across him in the student quad, had barely gone all the way down.

 

“I was allergic to the first one, so we both had to get new rooms, and it sucked. Caitian.”

 

Leonard looked at him with wide eyes. “How are you alive?”

 

Jim shrugged. “Well, as of yesterday, I’m pretty sure I’ve given up keeping myself alive, you want the job?”

 

“Not any more than you do.”

 

“But you’re a doctor, and my roommate keeps glaring at me cause I have insomnia and he’s trying to meditate at three in the morning and when I first met him I sort of told him he has pretty ears and now he thinks I’m out to molest him or something. I already have too much to deal with.”

 

He slumped sideway on the bench, the top of his head three inches from Leonard’s thigh. “Well, I’m too busy to do it. I’ve only just got here and I’ve already got twice the load of work here as I did down in Georgia.”

 

“I’ll take care of your kid for you if you keep me alive.” It sounded like a bribe, but Leonard was pretty sure Jim was trying to steal his kid again.

 

“You don’t really know how to interact with adults in a healthy manner, do you?”

 

Jim sat up, looking at Leonard is surprise, almost shocked. “I… kids are easier. They don’t need intellectual conversation, just food, shelter and kindness.”

 

“Maybe you’re over thinking that, because in my experience, humans like kindness as well. Maybe the issue isn’t that you’re not being kind enough to the vulcan, but maybe what you, as a _human_ sees as kindness, would to him, be entirely foreign.”

 

Jim stared at him for a long minute before groaning. “Oh god, Pike _said_ you were a head shrink too, you can’t use that mind stuff on me, it’s not fair.”

 

Leonard tried to hold back a laugh, but didn’t quite make it, looking away from him so he could get it all out without the kid’s pouting making him laugh more. “Just talk to him. Nothing will get better if you two just glare at each other from across the room the entire time.”

 

“That’s not true, one of my longest lasting relationships with another adult consisted of us criticizing each other.”

 

“Who?”

 

“You. And I’ve known you a week. It’s pathetic, isn’t it?”

 

Leonard tried not to be sad at that, because as funny as Jim was _trying_ to be right then, he knew that there was a reason the kid couldn’t form connections with adults, and he wasn’t sure what would have caused such a trauma. “How did you end up taking care of a kid for two year without getting paid? Family?”

 

Jim stared at him for a long minute before turning away. “I don’t think I can answer that. Legally, I mean. I’m not sure I’m allowed to. It wasn’t exactly an idea situation.”

 

“And it extended to two years?” He didn’t push the first question any further. He might get an answer eventually, he might not. Jim looked at Joanna for a long time, and Leonard wondered if Joanna reminded him of the kid. Maybe the same age or gender or just species. Maybe not.

 

“There weren’t any other adults. I was the oldest, he was the youngest. He was too little to know what was going on. It was a long time before we… I should probably go and talk to Spock, he’s supposed to be in the science labs right now, maybe I can clear up the whole ‘pretty ears’ thing. I mean, not that he _doesn’t_ have pretty ears or anything, but I don’t want him to think I’m gonna molest him in his sleep or something.”

 

Leonard caught Jim’s arm when the kid -he was only eighteen,- tried to walk past him on the grass, but kept his grip loose. Not really holding him there. “It might help you if you tell him right away, that you’re not good at talking to people. Vulcans all think humans are illogical and emotional, and they’re right, but just tell him you have some troubles there, he might just assume you’re a little cooky and not take things to heart. It would help with a human, at least.”

 

Jim stared at him for a long time, before nodding, no words coming out when he tried. Leonard let him make his escape without complaint.

 

***

 

Jim watched the vulcan in the nearly empty science labs as Spock worked on an experiment. He didn’t know why Spock had been moved dorms, since it was three weeks into the first semester, but he wasn’t all that interested in asking anyone. If you asked Andi -Jim’s last roommate- he would happily tell anyone that Jim was a xenophobic asshole, and since that’s not true, he’s not looking for any more rumors.

 

“Your presence in the doorway, though it has yet to hinder my experiment, is causing a two point eight seven percent shift in my mental focuses and I will have to ask you to either come in and speak your part, or leave.”

 

Jim frowned. The lab was empty other than Spock, and he didn’t see why the vulcan had to be so particular. Maybe the guy _was_ an asshole, only working when he was alone, always annoyed if Jim couldn’t sleep when he was trying to meditate. He was trying _really_ hard not to be annoyed with the guy.

 

“Well, if you’re going to be like that, I’ll just leave. I didn’t know being that waiting for you to finish your stuff was rude.” Actually, that’s a lie. He’s been staring at Spock for the past ten minutes, and he _knows_ that’s not exactly nice, but he can’t help himself sometimes. He looked down with a cringe, wondering if he could just run away, but when he moved to turn around and go, Spock’s words stopped him.

 

“I do not find fault with your willingness to wait until I have finished my work, I find it…” He paused, thinking back to a word his mother had used recently when he was speaking to her about Jim. He seemed to speak to her a lot about the neurotic teenager. Jim baffled him. “I find your actions thoughtful, though I would ask that you do not stay because I find myself unable to ignore your emotions.”

 

Jim frowned, trying not to take offense at that, and came into the room so he could sit at the workbench across from the vulcan, confused. “My emotions?”

 

Spock looked away from Jim, and for the first time, Jim found that vulcans could blush, and it was honestly adorable. The tips of his ears were green, and Jim couldn’t stop looking at them. “Your emotions are loud. Louder than most humans.”

 

“Vulcans… can hear emotions?”

 

“Vulcans are a pisonic race, we can hear thoughts, and feel emotions. I am able to shield myself from reading your thoughts, as I am to all other humans, but I find my shields lacking the ability to keep out your emotions.”

 

Jim looked down at his hands for a long time, and his nervous look shifted to rueful and then, acceptance. Spock, though his eyes never left Jim’s face, didn’t need to look at him to know that. “So… whenever I say something stupid, you know I don’t mean it, right?”

 

Spock set down his PADD on the table, and Jim wondered if the man was seriously abandoning his experiment to talk with him. “If I could abate your worry, I would, but a vulcan doesn’t lie.”

 

“Are you saying that I say a lot of stupid things?”

 

“Precisely.”

 

Jim wanted to feel offended at that, he really did, but he couldn’t look away from those dark eyes, Spock’s own eyes dilated when Jim started to feel blood rushing south. “Oh my god can I seriously turn you on by getting turned on myself? Is that why you keep getting annoyed at me at three in the morning? Jesus, Spock, you should have said something and I would have asked Bones to prescribe me something to, well… you know, get rid of those urges. I know there’s meds for that, when I was ten I knew a human who took those, whatever it’s not important, but you should have _said_ something, and I’d stop.”

 

Spock waited patiently for Jim to shut up, and Jim had to clamp his lower lip between his teeth to even shut up at all, because he had the feeling Spock would have let him keep going till he’d embarrassed himself even further. Suffice to say, Jim wasn’t so turned on anymore not that he knew he might be affecting someone else in a not-so-consensual way.

 

“While I do find myself affected by your arousal when we are in close quarters, I had not thought to ask you to stop your appropriate bodily functions for my comfort, because I never felt discomfited.”

 

It took a second to fully process that, and Jim slowly started turning the colour of a ripened tomato, jaw dropped as he took that in. He felt himself twitch once in his pants and knew that walking back to their dorm wasn’t going to be fun. “Are you hitting on me?”

 

Spock finally showed a measure of confusion, and before he could reply, Jim corrected himself. “No I mean like, are you saying you wanna fuck, because if that’s a yes, I am _so_ okay with that.”

 

Spock finally looked away from Jim and towards his forgotten experiment, still sitting under a microscope. “My experiment has waited too long to continue, and I find myself lacking the mental focus to start over. If you could help me regain my focus, I would be ever grateful to you.”

 

Jim got up from the bench, grabbing Spock’s hand and pulling till the vulcan got up as well, already hauling them towards the door. Is was a three minute walk to their dorm, but he really didn’t relish the idea of a quickie where anyone could walk in on them.

 

So far, he was labeling his second adult friendship, as a complete success.

 

As much as Jim knew about him, Spock was half human, and Jim found himself almost overwhelmed by the mix of both human and vulcan kisses. He didn’t expect to feel so sensitive by having Spock’s hand in his own, but the walk back to their dorm was shocking, and now he wasn’t even fully sure what his name was.

 

Spock had him pressed back against their door, right hand tangled up with Jim’s left and the other holding Jim’s chin in place so he could lick his way into Jim’s mouth, completely devouring the whimpers that came out of his throat as he pressed his knee between Jim’s, grinding up into his cock. Jim’s legs were weak and he would have slid down to the floor if Spock wasn’t so strong. God that was hot.

 

Spock pulled back, pinning Jim’s hand to the door while the other one clenched in Spock’s shirt, staring into Jim’s big blue eyes. He could feel Jim’s arousal and it made him throb in his pants, wanting to be touched. He could feel what Jim needed through their skin contact, more clearly than Spock had ever been able to feel Jim’s emotions, and it was… heady. It made his head swim until he lost himself completely to the feel of _Jim_ and _want_.

 

Jim barely remembers how they got there but he was naked and laying back on his bed, Spock between his legs, their cocks rubbing together wetly. When did Spock get lube?

 

Spock gently nipped at the skin under his jaw, lips dragging up towards Jim’s lips as he took their joined hands and dragged them down towards his dick. “Vulcans have a natural lubricant, no need for artificial.”

 

Jim moaned, wrapping his hand around the smooth cock and gently pumping up and down, before looking down in shock when his fingers found a hard set of ridges up towards the head of it, and he rather thought that it looked like it would feel amazing inside. He really hoped that Spock’s natural lube didn’t taste funny, because he really wants to see how far he can get it down his throat.

 

“Your thoughts are frantic, tell me, do you wish to get fucked, or choked?”

 

Jim sputtered at the words, and he almost sent a prayer to the heavens in thanks for a telepathic sexual partner, because he really couldn’t decide which one he wanted more. Spock leaned in, his own slick hand moving ever so slowly on Jim’s cock while Jim explored Spock’s. “I think it would be best if I fucked you now, because your desperation will not lead to a long lasting period, and when I use your mouth, I would be pleased for it to last a long time.”

 

Oh god, Spock wanted to wreck him, and Jim wanted to let him- no, he wanted to _beg_ him. “Please. Fuck me, oh god that would be so big in me, I want it.”

 

Spock bit his lower lip, gently pulling it and letting it go when Jim gasped. Oh god Spock was a biter that was so hot. “You will take as much as I give you with no complaint.” It wasn’t a question, and Jim could feel himself _leaking_ at the gentle command. Spock wasn’t someone who needed to posture to demand respect, he just exuded the dominance, and Jim loved it.

 

“Yes. Please?”

 

Spock seemed to almost think it over before pulling up off of Jim’s body, making him whine, but Spock didn’t leave his body entirely, kneeling between Jim’s splayed legs and pulling the teen bodily up by his hips till Jim’s spread cheeks were flush against Spock’s wet length. Jim groaned, tossing his arm over his eyes to hide from the light in sensitivity, cheeks flushing red as he realized Spock was going to use his own slick to stretch him open. The room was incredibly hot by human standards, since the two of them had compromised on a temperature that would please them both. Jim was glad for that now, because he’s not sure he’d be so relaxed if he could feel a breeze wherever Spock’s slick left him wet.

 

Oh god, if Spock was leaking his own lube, he’d be messy and wet inside when Spock was done, and that was way too appealing to him on a dirty bad wrong level.

 

And oh, vulcan fingers were sensitive, so it’d be like fucking him twice. He trembled a little, hips aching a little as he held himself open, propped up on Spock’s thighs as he glanced down under his arm, watching Spock run his hand up and down his own cock to get himself wet, before moving to probe Jim’s entrance with them, getting the area wet before he gently pushed in one finger, firm and unyielding.

 

“Your assumptions are quite correct, Jim.” Jim looked up at him from under his arms with hooded eyes, moaning almost blissfully at the feeling of Spock working him open, now slipping in a second finger. “You will be quite wet when we are finished.”

 

Jim clenched around the fingers when they brushed against his prostate, gasping as he watched Spock’s mouth part a little, he shivered, pushing back on them. “Fuck that’s hot.”

 

Spock raised an eyebrow. “Am I to guess you would be pleased with being coated in my fluids, or does your arousal stem from the humiliation I feel from your mind.”

 

Jim went redder. “Well… ahh that feels really good. Humans tend to think cum play is embarrassing, I guess I do too, but I think it’s hot, in a… degrading sort of way.”

 

Spock nodded once, working in another finger before pulling them out, and working up and down his cock again for most slick, putting them back in. Jim was already feeling loose, and he could probably take Spock without anymore stretching, but Spock seemed to like taking his time. Jim was flushed all the way down his stomach, and Spock stared at it in appreciation, fingertips rubbing against that spot that made Jim’s legs shake. Spock knew that humans could achieve orgasm without stimulation to their cocks, and Jim was leaking a puddle on his stomach. The only thing that stopped him from seeing if Jim could as well, was the thought that Jim would probably be too sensitive to fuck if he made him come like that.

 

He pulled his fingers out, relishing in the sweet moan it wrenched from Jim’s throat and shifted his hips, using his hand to position the head of his cock at Jim’s hole, rubbing against the soft flesh and making it slick as he pushed in. The head popped in and Jim didn’t clench down on it, but he shuddered at the feeling, hands tangling in the bed sheets above his head. “Oh fuck. Oh god yes.”

 

Spock kept pressing forward and the ridges under the head slid in next, his firm pressure making him slide the rest of the way in while Jim made a sound like he was in heat, scrambling for the balance so he could lever himself up and push back on Spock now, stomach clenching as his ass worked around Spock’s sensitive flesh. “Oh god that’s really wet and I love it and you should fuck me hard that felt _so_ good when it passed my prostate please, fuck me.”

 

Spock was nothing if not accommodating to reasonable requests. The first push in was a little rough, though it didn’t hurt, but as Spock pulled back and trust in, up towards Jim’s prostate, they became smoother, wetter, and the more wet he was, the more his cock jumped on his stomach. Spock reached for it, wanting to feel the way it throbbed against his sensitive fingers, and his thrusts almost stuttered against him when Jim howled again, legs clenching around his waist and his ass shuddering around him as Jim came almost immediately.

 

Spock pulled his hands down to Jim’s hips, deciding that it would be pertinent to use the teen to his completion as well, and Jim gasped on every thrust in, fingers tight around the fistfuls of bed sheets in his hands. By the time Spock followed him there, Jim was almost ready to beg him for no more, his body reaching that edge of oversensitivity where he wasn’t sure if he’d get hard again or just start crying.

 

Spock was impossibly gentle with him as he pulled out, and Jim didn’t even feel any pain other than a slight soreness at being fucked so well. Thought there wasn’t much room on the bed, Spock somehow managed to curl up around him, his hands gentle on Jim’s side and brushing aside his sweaty hair, and Jim was so thankful for it because he was still shaking a little and he felt raw and fragile in a way that wasn’t exactly physical. “I am sorry, if I could have shielded myself from your thoughts I would have.”

 

Jim sighed, wriggling further into his arms, almost convinced that the low humming noise from Spock’s chest was a purr. It possibly was. “It’s okay, I liked it.”

 

“And yet, you feel fragile now.”

 

Jim just sighed again, wrapping himself around Spock as well as he could from between the clingy vulcan’s arms. “Good. It’s good. I still like it.”

 

He was halfway asleep when the vulcan’s quiet voice washed over him - like the shower he really _should_ be taking right now. “Humans are most curious creatures.”


	2. Failings and Leanings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops so apparently Tarsus made a bigger appearance here than I thought it would, but I'm still trying to keep that light. Anyways, both Spock whump and Jim whump ahead. Also, Gaila. I love Gaila.

Jim wasn’t in contact with any of the other children from Tarsus -not those who were rescued by Starfleet, and not those he helped escape on that broken clunker of a shuttle they’d gotten a hold of- except for Kevin.

 

Of all the people that he might still be in contact with, you’d expect maybe Tom, since they were close to the same age, or even Mary, who’d slept in the same quarters as Jim and Kevin when they’d finally managed to get passage off the planet they’d crashed on in the end, -the kids all tended to sleep in packs to keep safe, but Kevin and Mary had found a way to worm their way into Jim’s bed at every chance, no matter how much he tried to encourage independence, he just couldn’t say no to their little faces- but no, it was Kevin.

 

He’d only been two when the massacre happened. Jim remembered finding him while making his escape, so little, covered in blood… Kevin hadn’t let go of Jim for much more than he absolutely had to, and Jim hadn’t been able to stop him.

 

When he got the first call from Kevin’s aunt, it was a month after they’d been released from the fleet hospital. For the first time in literally years, Jim looked down and didn’t see a little boy clinging to his ankles, and for the first time in years, he didn’t know what to do with his free time.

 

Her name was Teri, and she had no idea what to do with Kevin, who did nothing but cry and ask for Jim all day. _Something_ had to give, and apparently, that was Jim. She claimed right away that the call had helped him and he’d been calm afterwards.

 

Jim hasn’t missed a call from the kid in almost three years now, once a week, usually Friday around noon, Jim would sit down and talk to Kevin, and for a second, he thinks, the two of them felt a little less alone, and it got easier to talk after that.

 

Today is a Saturday, and Jim is in town with Bones, looking for a suitable present for a boy about to turn seven years old.

 

“This gonna be for the kid you use to watch?”

 

Jim hummed, poking at a stuffed elephant with a little sigh. He remembers a time when he would have given anything to get Kevin something like that -high quality, soft, cuddly- but now the boy said he was too big for stuffed animals. He had Joanna on his hip, the little girl ‘helpfully’ pointing out good presents in a way that made Jim think that Bones better be taking good notes for when her birthday came up in a month and a half. “Yeah. He’s turning seven. God, that’s old, you know? How excited are you going to be when your little Jojo Bear turns _seven_?”

 

He sounded disbelieving, and Jim paused for a second, just standing there for a long moment when Joanna clinging to his neck while she mumbled about tea sets, and just took in the fact that it’s been _three years_ since he finally got back to Earth. He turned to look at Bones, who for once, instead of griping at him that he didn’t want to talk about Joanna growing up, was looking at him like he couldn’t figure Jim out.

 

“It’s been nearly three years since I stepped foot off this planet. I don’t like that.”

 

Leonard’s eyes squinted a little, repeating slowly, “you don’t like that? What part of it?”

 

Jim looked down, trying to figure that out for himself. He’d grown up on a federation space ship, and the first ever planet he’d been about to settle down on other than Earth -which he had rarely been on for more than a few months at a time anyways- turned into a bloodbath. He blinked back stinging pings in his eyes, before gently setting Joanna down on the floor when she started squirming. “This is the longest time I’ve ever been in one place. I was on my uncle’s farm with Dad for a while after I got back, and now I’m here, but I’ve never been on one planet so long before.”

 

Leonard trailed after Joanna as they slowly left ‘trucks and animals’ territory and migrated into ‘pink and frilly’. “Do you have any Romani blood in you? You’re pretty nomadic to think like that.”

 

Jim shrugged. “Probably. My parents couldn’t be paid to stay in one place for too long, so probably.”

 

Jim looked at a shelf as they passed by it, and he found himself staring at a lego set for an Orion trading vessel. He knew that a lot of Orion ships looked alike, in the same way a lot of Terran ships looked alike, but he couldn’t help but think it looked a lot like the Helion, and he felt the strange urge to set it on fire.

 

He forced himself to look away, walking past the lego section to follow Joanna further into the store. Leonard stared at the lego set for a long time himself, trying to figure out what had upset Jim so much, and all he could think was that Jim probably had a bad experience with an Orion ship.

 

Jim finally ended up settling on a federation standard set of model ships. Jim remembers having a set a lot like it when he was younger, and they were pretty sturdy, and kept him thinking of the stars.

 

As scary as what’s out there in the universe might be, a scarier thought is what his life would be like without it.

 

***

 

Spock was working at the console in their room when Jim got back, so Jim quietly put down the toy bag next to the couch in their room and sat down to pull off his boots and jacket. The two of them didn’t get intimate as much as you might think of two young adults with the freedom of a shared room and no parental supervision, but Jim was a human who was happiest sleeping in someone’s arms, so instead of going through the embarrassing talk of asking their quarter master for a new bed, the two of them had rearranged the furniture in their room just enough that they could push their twin mattresses together to form one king sized bed for the two of them.

 

Jim had almost had an aneurysm when he came to the sudden realization that he was being _domestic_ with his new vulcan roommate/fuck buddy when the two of them were arguing over what bedsheets they should get in the middle of the week on a school night. When they realized how many people were staring, they had compromised by buying both sets and a new comforter _without_ any bird feathers in it, because Jim didn’t want to wake up to a swollen throat in the middle of the night.

 

He was actually fairly glad -if also jealous- that his parents were off world right now, because he has no delusions that him and Spock aren’t being completely obvious about their new arrangement, and he’d at least like to save the whole ‘when are we gonna meet your new boyfriend’ conversation for later. Much later. Hopefully never.

 

Hell, if it was just him and Mom, he’d probably be okay with telling her -blatantly, and unashamedly- about their arrangement, but he’s pretty sure George Kirk is still working under the delusions that Jim is a virgin who has never even _heard_ the word sex before, and Jim is happy to let him continue on like that, if only because Jim _doesn’t want to talk about it_.

 

He wormed his way out of his socks and even reached up to pull off the tee shirt he was wearing, the room too hot for actual clothes for some reason. He curled up at the base of the bed in nothing but leggings now, the tight material leaving nothing to the imagination. It left a lot of skin showing, so it was no surprise when Jim a light touch from Spock’s hand to Jim’s waist and suddenly Spock knew what was wrong.

 

Jim wondered what that was like, reading someone’s thoughts. He couldn’t read Spock’s thoughts if Spock touched him.

 

“Would you like to?”

 

Jim thought carefully about that for a minute while Spock removed his hand and sat stiffly on the bed next to him. “I don’t know. I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

 

Spock seemed to relax a little, and Jim didn’t think he’d even notice it if he didn’t sleep in the same bed as him on a regular basis. “I have yet to find a way to shield myself from reading your thoughts upon direct contact with your skin.”

 

Jim looked down at the comforter. It was black, with tan roses coming through. He liked it. “You could ask another vulcan maybe? I know your family has some pretty powerful mind adepts, yeah?”

 

Spock looked towards the console station for a minute, and Jim wondered if there was a specific reason Spock had left Vulcan in the first place. He knew Spock got along with his mother at least. “My grandmother is by far, more experienced, but my brother is more… powerful. I do not think T’Pau would wish to help without seeing us in person, and I do not think my brother _could_ help yet without the same.”

 

Jim sat up on the comforter with a little sigh. “Spock, I don’t mind. I mean, they’re just surface thoughts, and while it’s _strange_ , I can only really think of it as a good idea. If I could have communicated with someone non-verbally while I was on… I mean… it’s an invaluable asset, is all I’m saying. If one day, you and I end up on the same ship, it could come in handy is all.”

 

Spock looked down at him, and for a second, Jim could swear he could feel Spock’s own emotions as well -those damn lying vulcans, they let people believe they didn’t have emotions, but they did, they just hid them well- but maybe he’s just learning to read him. It’s those eyes, Jim thinks, they’re human. “I should be strong enough to block both your emotions and thoughts.”

 

Jim didn’t know what to say to that. He wasn’t vulcan, he was just a human, and whatever faults Spock saw in himself were undoubtedly human failings, and anything Jim could think of to assure him would just be a push in the wrong direction. Spock wanted proof that he was as good as every other vulcan despite his human genetics, and Jim didn’t know enough to help that.

 

Finally, he shrugged, resisting touching the vulcan at the moment. “Maybe it’s not because you’re not strong. Maybe I’m stronger than other humans.”

 

Spock didn’t frown at him, he didn’t get angry. He seemed almost amused, and Jim wondered how much he’d gathered from Jim’s surface thoughts about Tarsus. There had to be something about it. Spock didn’t even blink in surprise at Jim’s melancholy about Kevin’s approaching birthday. “I have no doubt that you are stronger than the vast majority of your species.”

 

Jim thinks he’s going to regret sharing a bed with him, because he thinks after only two weeks sleeping together, Spock knows more about Jim than Jim does.

 

***

 

Both Jim and Spock were taking more classes than the average student. Jim wanted to be a captain -or at least be on a ship- within the next three years, and vulcans were used to a much higher course load than humans on Earth were. As is, Jim barely had time to crash in their shared bed at night, much less take advantage of the newfound relationship between the two of them.

 

Spock and Jim shared exactly three classes together; Advanced Transwarp Theory, Survival Tactics, and Xenolinguistics.

 

The last one they shared with Uhura, a girl that got along very well with Spock. She didn’t like Jim.

 

Spock seemed oblivious to the two of them having any sort of issue with each other, sitting in between them and listening to the lecture. Uhura was glaring at Jim for something he said earlier, and Jim was lazily scowling back at her with a pout.

 

He didn’t know why he was so upset, he actually liked Uhura as a person, she just didn’t seem to realize that Jim wasn’t the horrible person she seemed to have concluded he was. He sighed, turning back towards the front of the room again. He was eighteen, but he didn’t need to act it. It really does suck though that one of Spock’s first friends didn’t like him in the least though.

 

Jim paid attention for the rest of the class, but he couldn’t get the thoughts out of his head when it was time to leave. Uhura and Spock always went to their next class together after this one, so Jim wouldn’t have any time to talk to him, so for the first time outside of their dorm, Jim gently stopped Spock in his tracks with two fingers on Spock’s wrist, for once, actually focusing his thoughts towards Spock instead of just letting the vulcan read them.

 

It only took a few seconds to get his point across, and he was out the door before anyone noticed anything was amiss. Anyone but Uhura, that is, who was glaring at the place where Jim held two of Spock’s fingers in his hand, even if only for just that moment.

 

He was gone before she could say anything, and for some reason that little possessive part of his brain that would have normally been pleased -he wasn’t stupid, he knew what touching hands was to vulcans, and he knew it wouldn’t have passed her mind either- was quiet, a little uneasy, in fact. He didn’t want to feel jealous of her, she was Spock’s _friend_ , and Spock didn’t make friends easily. He didn’t want to take people away from him.

 

She’s been Spock’s friend since the beginning of the school year, and Jim’s only even _known_ Spock for a month and a half. He wasn’t going to try anything to separate them.

 

He knew what it was like to have people taken from you.

 

***

 

“Can you put that in something other than my neck? Like my shoulder or something?”

 

Leonard paused, hypo halfway to Jim’s neck with a frown. “Jim, if you have an allergic reaction, I can get it staved off in time that you won’t feel anything other than mild irritation, I promise. It won’t matter if it’s your neck or your shoulder.”

 

But still, as he spoke, he put the hypo back down, helping Jim out of the cadet reds -which is actually a good idea because if Jim started swelling any, they would make it harder to breathe- and roll up the sleeve of his arm. Jim let out what Leonard thought was an exaggerated shudder when Leonard brushed over Jim’s neck in the process, but the way Jim turned red after and looked away, made him realize it was quite real. He was gentle when he spoke again.

 

“Jim, if you have some sort of issue with your neck being touched, it’s important as both your doctor and your _friend_ that I know so I can help anyway I can.”

 

Jim worked his jaw for a few seconds, but he couldn’t think of any argument to that. “I don’t like my neck touched.”

 

Leonard nodded. “Of course.” He pressed the depression on the end of the hypo and set it down, settling in to wait the ten minutes they’d need to be fully sure Jim didn’t have an allergic reaction to it. Jim’s file had a big red flag on his medical records, saying that all injections needed to be monitored unless they wanted to accidentally kill him. “Off record, can I ask why?”

 

“What?”

 

Leonard shrugged. “Why you don’t like being touched there? I have a cousin, she flinches whenever someone gets close to her neck, I asked her why once, and she said she couldn’t for the life of her figure out why she didn’t like it. Sometimes we don’t have a reason, sometimes we do.”

 

Jim was quiet for a minute, wondering if he could run out the close till he was cleared to go, but Bones had those dark expressive eyes that always made Jim feel like he had his hand in the cookie jar. “Orion leather is really rough on human skin.”

 

Leonard watched him carefully for the rest of the wait, but Jim didn’t elaborate, and Leonard had the feeling he’d already pushed too far.

 

When Jim was pulling his uniform back on, he spoke again. “Hey, it’s not like I’ve got a hang up over it or something, I can _handle_ having my neck touched, I just prefer not to deal with it if I don’t have to. It’s not like I have PTSD or anything, it just puts me in a bad mood for the rest of the day.”

 

“You might want to tell that vulcan of yours if you don’t like being touched though, that’s a pretty impressive bite he left on your collar.”

 

Jim reached a hand up to slap the side of his neck, face red. “How do you know it was Spock?”

 

Leonard shrugged. “Other than cadets saying they’ve seen you two holding hands, which is a not so platonic thing for them, the bite mark isn’t human. Humans don’t have teeth formed like that.”

 

Jim looked down, shaking his head as he pulled the cadet reds back on. The low collar was high enough to cover it. “Spock doesn’t do anything I don’t ask for, no need to get all uppity about it. Oh god, my parents are gonna be dirtside in less than a month, am I getting myself involved in something I shouldn’t? Nevermind, ignore that, I’ll deal with them, I swear they need to stop babying me, they act like I’ll break at any moment. Whatever, I asked him to do it, don’t worry. I thought it might be nice to take a few old memories and replace them with new.”

 

“Did it work?”

 

“Well, I wasn’t upset, if that’s what you’re asking. It was fine. I liked it.”

 

Leonard sighed, putting his head in his hands for a second before pinching the bridge of his nose. “You give me a headache, you’re way too young to go through half the shit you’ve gone through from what I know. You’re about to enter your midlife crisis at eighteen, kid.”

 

Jim looked off to the side, unamused. “No, I’m not _too young_ to go through what I’ve been through, the correct answer is ‘no one should have to go through that’ and I wasn’t by far the youngest person there.”

 

“One day I’ll get answers from you.”

 

Jim was quiet for a minute, and just as Leonard thought he was about to head out the door, he shrugged. “Maybe one day I’ll be ready to talk about it.”

 

***

 

When Jim got back to his dorm room, Spock was there, sitting in the middle of the room with candles lit and eyes closed as he sat on his meditation mat. Jim frowned, noticing that Spock twitched, looking almost paranoid as he sat there. “You’re not usually back at this time of day.”

 

Spock opened his eyes, watching Jim carefully. “I was in the science lab when I was overcome by a feeling of… fear. Past fear, I believe?”

 

Jim frowned, setting down his bag. “Past fear, huh? What’s that mean?”

 

Spock seemed to choose his words carefully, and Jim thought about the placement of the science building. Spock’s usual lab was right at the left wing of the building, making it’s placement less than a hundred yards away from the doctor’s office he’d been shoved into for an exam. “I felt terrified that someone would learn of a secret I myself did not keep.”

 

Jim sat down on the edge of theit bed with a sense of dawning dread in his stomach. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Spock.”

 

“I was not your fault, it was mine.”

 

Jim shook his head almost violently, eyes stinging. “It's not your fault Spock, it's my emotions and I'm the one that can't control them.”

 

Spock got up from the floor, moving to sit next to Jim. He looked sad. “You are human, you should not have to control your emotions. I have consistently shown an inability to shield myself from you, the fault is in me.”

 

Jim let out a loud frustrated groan, getting up from the bed in a huff, almost uncharacteristically angry. Jim tried not get get angry, he really did, because a good captain couldn't have a chip on their shoulder, but deep down, he could get truly angry. He wasn't truly angry right now, he was frustrated. “Jesus Christ this is getting us nowhere, just stop it, if you really want it so much, then it's both our faults. It takes two people to start a fight, and apparently, it takes two people to break vulcan walls. Do you want me to move out, because I'll go talk to Pile right now if we need to.”

 

The vulcan watched him in silence for a moment, looking almost shocked, and Jim suddenly felt a pit of sadness starting to consume him, because he was probably making things feel worse for him. “I do not wish for you to leave.”

 

“But would it be easier?”

 

“...no, it would not be. If I did not have you close, you would still occupy my thoughts.”

 

Jim was wondering if Spock had a crush on him. Were crushes on Vulcan normal? Was this because he was half human?

 

He was starting to get a migraine and he thinks this is probably what Bones was ranting on about earlier when he told Jim not to get himself hurt. For the first time in his entire life, he felt like an _actual_ teenager, with relationship troubles and everything.

 

He's not sure if his parents -even if he had that sort of relationship with them- could help him with this. “Christ, Spock, is this… we should talk to your brother. Maybe he knows why this is happening. You've never heard anything like this before?”

 

Spock inclined his head, and Jim knew it was a negative. How the fuck did he know that? “I have never heard of an unbonded pair who could sense each other's emotions. Our situation is truly unique.”

 

Jim rolled his eyes upwards, trying to hold back another frustrated noise, though the way Spock nearly _flinched_ , he knew it didn't make a difference. “I'm tired of being in ‘unique situations’ why the hell can't I just be bored and boring for once?”

 

Spock didn't answer, and when Jim finally looked up from where he'd been glaring at a candle, Spock was laying back in their bed, staring almost lifelessly at the ceiling. “You looks like shit, are you meditating at night like you need to?”

 

The vulcan swallowed once, shifting just a little. “Not as optimally as I have in past nights. I find myself focusing on other topics.”

 

Jim snorted, dropping down into the console chair. “Other topics- you mean me? Spock, this is affecting both of us, uh, sort of. Well, it’s _really_ affecting you, we should ask _someone_ for help.”

 

Jim Kirk didn’t often ask for help. He knew how to escape a literal execution. He knew how to hide in the woods with ten kids for half a year without being caught. He knew how to escape on a half broken shuttle to another planet entirely. Regretfully, he knew how to get an Orion pirate ship to take them back to Earth, and _barely_ regrets what he had to do on that ship to keep those kids safe for over a year. Jim Kirk finds that you have to twist his arm back pretty damn far to get him to ask for help.

 

Spock stared back at him from the bed for what felt like the longest minute of his, and Spock gave a slow nod, as if in a sort of trance. “I will contact my brother now.”

 

Jim nodded back, getting up from the console so Spock could sit, waiting a little impatiently while Spock connected to his brother’s console on Vulcan. The first thing Jim noticed about Sybok, was that he looked nothing like a vulcan other than the eyebrows. His hair was… curly? Did vulcans half curly hair in their genes? Maybe Sybok is half human but looks more like a human?

 

“Sybok is fully vulcan, he is my half brother.”

 

Oh right, and he probably shouldn’t have his hand on Spock’s shoulder right now if he didn’t want to share his thoughts. He removed the hand from Spock’s shoulder and walked back to the bed, flopping back onto it with a dramatic sigh while he listened to the two brothers exchange pleasantries. Maybe he should call his own brother, they haven’t talked in awhile either.

 

He was starting to wonder what he wanted for dinner when Spock spoke up, just loud enough for Jim to know he was invited over to join the conversation. He got up and took the seat when Spock got up, feeling a little like he was on trial when the previously smiling vulcan gave Jim a hard look. Jim almost couldn’t meet his eyes.

 

“Jim, would you be willing to meld with my brother?”

 

Jim looked between the two of them with wide eyes. “What?”

 

“Melding. Mind melding. Your mind to his.”

 

Jim looked between the two of the for a little bit longer, eyebrows raised. “Uh… why?”

 

Sybok rolled his eyes upwards, not annoyed so much as thinking. “Okay, so like, you know how every once in awhile you meet someone and you think that you really wanna be their friend, but since you’re trying so hard you get all tongue tied and keep saying stupid shit till they sort of hate you? Yeah see, that doesn’t really happen with vulcans so much as it happens with me, but what I’m saying is that Spock doesn’t experience that, his version of tongue tied and fumbling is his own shields failing as he fitfully attempts to make some sort of bond with you.”

 

“Spock… wants to bond with me… because he doesn’t know how to talk to me?”

 

Sybok shrugged, looking amused. God, he was nothing like Jim had expected Spock’s brother to be. He looked back at Spock and noticed the vulcan looking away, ears bright green. Interesting. “Well, from what I’ve gathered from him, you two seem to be bonding pretty well in the _human_ fashion, but that’s not enough for vulcans. Even if you’re psionic heightened for a human, it’s not enough. Vulcans create natural and long lasting bonds between themselves to strengthen the entire whole of our species. They don’t normally have to struggle to bond with someone, but your mind isn’t receptive to it, so Spock’s trying, and failing to make a natural connection with you. Melding with him, even for a short time, would completely fix things by giving you a bond so he stops searching. It’s why vulcans generally don’t get attached to humans, so messy in the end.”

 

Jim looked back at Spock again, staring at him for a long time before turning back to Sybok. “How would establishing a bond effect us?”

 

Sybok shrugged. “Well, for one, Spock will be able to focus and meditate again finally, you’ll be able to tell when he’s not feeling well, or if someone is upsetting him. If he concentrates, the skin contact telepathy would be a two way street instead of him just reading your thoughts. Not only that, but it’ll give _you_ a massive boost so you can start learning shields and possibly preventing anything like this from happening again.”

 

“How long does it last?”

 

“...vulcan bonds are generally created to last until the death of one of the bonded. It’s not like I’m asking you to marry him or anything he just needs-”

 

“I’ll do it.”

 

Sybok gave him a little smile again, and Jim couldn’t help but think he looked thankful. Jim was okay with this, as long as it helped.

 

***

 

Jim and Spock were planning on bonding at the end of the next week, when they’d both have time to get used to things before the next week of classes started. Jim had already asked Bones to be on standby in case anything went wrong. Leonard had been shocked to say the least.

 

Jim saw a young orion girl sitting in the quad on Thursday afternoon while Spock was in the labs, and he’d been planning on walking the other direction, until he saw her absently scratching at a bruised ring of skin around the collar of her neck while she read a PADD.

 

He gave a little sigh towards the sky, and moved to sit on the other side of the bench from her, keeping a sizable distance from her. “I have a dermal regerator if you want to try and get rid of those.”

 

She looked up, eyes wide, almost like a deer in headlights. “I…”

 

“I wouldn’t use it on you or anything, I figure if you wanted someone else to heal it for you you’d have gone to the medical building. I just mean if you want to get rid of it is all. I know how annoying the chafing can be while it heals. I didn’t let anyone else use the dermal on me when I got back.”

 

He swears he can hear the cogs turning in her head, and so sat up a little straighter. “You came to Earth with a collar on. By who?”

 

Jim shrugged. “I didn’t know many names on the ship, I just know that I had a few people I could rely on on the ship. It wasn’t a slaver vessel, so they didn’t know enough about the slave market to stay away from Earth when I told them my parents would pay to get me back.”

 

She snorted. “And they believed you?”

 

Jim nodded. “I had ten kids with me. They didn’t think I’d lie. Even so, if my parents weren’t already federation, they would have paid a high price for every one of us. Starfleet doesn’t negotiate with slavers though. We were lucky.”

 

She watched him for a few minutes more, before getting up from the bench. “I would like to use your dermal regerator, if you would be so kind.”

 

Jim nodded, leading her back towards the dorm rooms. When he got there, he let her in and she sat on the couch with a still posture while he got the dermal out of the medical bag he kept next to his side of the bed. She was staring at the bed, like most people did when they first came into the room to see one large bed instead of two small. Jim cringed a little, handing her the dermal before sitting a ways away from her on the edge of the bed. “Me and my roommate are a little closer than most.”

 

“I can see that. I am Gaila.”

 

“I’m Jim.” Jim was quiet while Gaila used the dermal on her neck. He didn’t speak till she set it down. “I told you how I got here, what’s your story?”

 

She looked down at her hands. “I didn’t have the slightest chance of getting away when I was with the slavers. I had to entice a buyer who believed I wished to be with him. He was a very nice man, and I almost felt bad leaving him.”

 

Jim shook his head. “He wasn’t nice. Nice guys don’t buy kids. Nice guys don’t fuck kids either, I learned that the hard way.”

 

Gaila slowly nodded, looking a little… lighter. “Nice guys do not buy or sell children. It is what I said to myself whenever a man was kind to me. And I did not have ten children to help as well.”

 

Jim shrugged. “It wasn’t so bad, he never hurt me or anything, and he had a kid of his own. I took care of his and a few other crew members kids while they worked, and they became none the wiser that I knew a thing about anything other than child rearing. To be honest, acting like an idiot was the hard part.”

 

Gaila snorted. “They always think we’re dumb, don’t they?”

 

“It’s part of slavery itself, I guess. Keeping the people you enslave stupid, after a while, they forget they’re anything but slaves. Knowledge is power, if only for self liberation.”

 

Gaila smiled at him, and Jim thinks that maybe he has another friend in Starfleet. He’s not all that great at making friends himself. “You are going to be a good member of Starfleet, Jim.”

 

“I think you will be too.”


	3. Get Lost In The Sound

 

Jim showed up at Leonard’s dorm at ten in the morning on his day off, and to be fully honest, Leonard can only praise the sweet lord that he hadn’t shown up at six. Again.

 

Amazingly enough, it hadn’t been the doctor’s griping that had made Jim feel terrible, it had been the pouting two year old’s. Joanna had been even less amused at being woken up so early than Leonard had been. Jim had felt bad at that, he’d never thought of her not being a morning person. Half the kids Jim had travel back to Earth with had been awake even before him.

 

Joanna seemed much happier to see him today though, since she’s been given the chance to sleep in. It was Leonard’s day off today. They’d happily slept in together.

 

“Jim! Jim you came to see me!”

 

Jim let out a manic little giggle as he scooped up the baby in his arms, snuggling her close while Leonard watched them with a cup of coffee in the little kitchenette. They were lucky, since they had one of the family dorms, they had more than just a replicator and bedroom/bathroom in theirs. It was nice.

 

“Yes I _did_ come to see you Jojo, it’s impossible to stay away.” He let the little girl find a comfortable place in his arms, flopping down against his shoulder so she could strangle him with her arms around his neck. He didn’t mind so much. It felt entirely different than a collar.

 

“Besides stealing children, what is it you came here for now?”

 

Jim looked up at the ceiling for a second before down to Leonard with a big grin. “You should come with me back to my house. You know, my parents house, well, the one in San Fran at least.”

 

Leonard raised an eyebrow. “How many houses do you guys have?”

 

Jim actually thought about that for a moment. “Uh… four… that’s just the ones on Earth. My parents obviously don’t like staying in one place for too long, never did.”

 

Leonard just stared at him, so Jim sighed. “Please? I need you to help me pick out a Halloween costume, and I can’t ask Gaila because she kept labeling my choices as ‘not slutty enough for Halloween’ and it was weird.”

 

Leonard sighed. “Joanna is coming with us if I go, it’s up to her. Jojo, you wanna come see Jim’s house?”

 

Joanna lifted her head, seaming to honestly take it into consideration. “Toys?”

 

Jim grinned. “A whole playroom full of them.”

 

Joanna smiled serenely, nodding. “Okay.”

 

Leonard raised an eyebrow. “A whole playroom full of them?”

 

Jim nodded. “I have three nephews, and Dad had six other siblings. Big family, it was smart to put in a playroom so they can go bother each other.”

 

Back at the Kirk house, Joanna was happily making herself at home in the playroom while Jim and Leonard discussed what they should make for lunch, when the front door opened downstairs and Jim frowned. His parents weren’t supposed to be back for four days.

 

Leonard was sitting on a chair in Jim’s room at the house, watching his pull a pair of leggings up under a fleet sweater that Leonard had watched his blatantly steal from his dad’s closet a minute ago. It was too big and well worn. The room was quiet for a minute, but thankfully, Leonard could still hear Joanna’s soft singing from the playroom, so he didn’t seem concerned.

 

Less than a minute later, an annoyed looking admiral came into the open door of the room, passing by Leonard without seeing him as he started ranting. “I’m sending you to Mars to go like with the Sezian monks, you are going to become a monk and live a life of celibacy under a biodome where no one can touch you, okay?”

 

Jim sat back down on the bed with an amused smirk on his lips. “Am I?”

 

“Yes. You are going to be a monk. On Mars.”

 

Jim nodded, a placating tone to his voice now. “Dad, why _ever_ would you send me away, don’t you want your son close anymore?” Okay, no, that’s not placating, that’s manipulating, and Leonard could see it plain as day, but somehow it slipped right by George’s defences.

 

“Oh course I want you close, you know I love you, sweetie!”

 

Jim nodded. “But you wanna send me away, that’s not _nice_.”

 

George huffed a little, and Leonard had to cover his mouth to keep himself from laughing at an admiral throwing an honest to god _hissy_ fit in front of him. “I got back to Earth and the first thing I hear is half the campus talking about how you’ve been having some sort of illicit _love affair_ with a vulcan cadet, and… it’s improper!”

 

“Why? I’m eighteen years old.”

 

George looked horrified. “James Tiberius Kirk! That sort of thing is-”

 

“Exactly the kind of thing an eighteen year old involves themselves in? You’re right, I’m glad you think so.”

 

There was a noise from outside the room, and Joanna came in, holding a teddy bear, cutting off George before he could even get the chance to reply to his sassy child, and George looked between Leonard and Joanna suspiciously. Joanna stopped next to Leonard, putting a little hand on Leonard’s pant. “Daddy, who’s that?”

 

Leonard smiled. “That’s _Jimmy’s_ daddy, Jojo.”

 

Joanna nodded solemnly while George knelt down to be closer to her level. “I’m Joanna. I’m two.”

 

George’s eyes went all soft and mushy, and he smiled at the girl, his grin almost the same as Jim’s. “That’s the best name.”

 

Joanna stared at him for another second before matching his grin. “Do you want to see the picture I coloured?”

 

George seemed to completely melt at that, and Leonard was suddenly hit with the realization that Jim probably got his skills with children from his dad, not his mom. “I would _love_ to see the picture you made, sweetheart.”

 

As George left with Joanna, Leonard just smirked at Jim, not really too worried that the Kirk family had a habit of stealing children. “I knew you have to get that from somewhere.”

 

Jim shrugged. “Better Dad than Mom. Dad is great with kids. Mom is… well, she raised two of us and me and Sam can almost be considered well rounded, so that’s something, right?”

 

Leonard laughed. He liked these people. Unfortunately.

 

***

 

Gaila was an amazing woman, if Jim weren’t so completely gone over his roommate, he would have fallen for her in an instant. He was like that sometimes. He didn’t know where he got it from, sometimes it seemed like his parents didn’t even have the ability to love anyone but each other, so completely wrapped up in their own world, but then there was Sam, with one husband and three wives already, and then Jim, who falls in love with basically everyone he meets.

 

It was another way Jim couldn’t help himself. Children were his weakness, and he fell in love with everyone he liked even slightly.

 

He was in love with Spock’s eyes. They were expressive. He fell in love with Spock’s mind even faster than that -almost as fast as he fell in love with his ears- so completely comfortable, and having been in contact with it for nearly a week now, Jim just couldn’t keep away. He fell in love with the soft way Spock talked about his family, and the way he was top ranked in all his classes already. Jim loved the sensitive nerves of Spock’s hands, always strong and gentle in equal parts. He was undoubtedly in love with Spock.

 

He was in love with Leonard’s laugh. He didn’t laugh nearly often enough, but Joanna made him laugh. Sometimes Jim made him laugh. It always made his cheeks flush a little, and he usually looked away, completely embarrassed at how much he loved it. There was nothing wrong with wanting to hear your friends laugh. He was also in love with Leonard’s hands. They were steady as hands can get, and strong, and big, and they were hands that saved people, and Jim loved them. He also loved Leonard for realizing that when Jim grabs his hand and just _holds_ it, it’s not Jim trying to be weird, sometimes Jim just needed to touch, and he looked for healthy outlets for that touch, and holding hands was quite often a healthy outlet.

 

He was in love with Gaila’s hair. It was red and curly and she let Jim braid it all the time and he loved just running his hands through it, just feeling how soft it always was. They had three of the same classes, and two of them they took at the same time, so they sat together and shared notes. Gaila loved holding hands with Jim, and it always made him laugh a little, because for some reason, he wasn’t used to holding hands with people who had smaller hands with him. She let him sleep in her bed when they were studying way too late for him to get back to his room without passing out along the way, and she never got mad at him for being clingy in his sleep, mainly because she was equally as clingy.

 

Jim even loved Uhura, who glared at him whenever he held hands with Spock. He loved the way she helped him with linguistics whenever he asked, even though she obviously had some sort of issue with him that she wasn’t sharing yet. Actually, he doesn’t think he’s seen her glare at him while he’s with Spock for a while, but she has glared at him a few times at six in the morning across the table from him in the canteen when he’d spent the night in Gaila’s bed. Jim is starting to think that for all the languages she knows, she’s yet to master the art of telling someone she likes them, even when they end up dating someone else. Maybe she’ll finally start liking him back if he sets her up with Gaila. The whole roommates/lovers thing is working out for him and Spock, it should end up pretty well.

 

Jim loves Scotty and Keenser, Gaila’s weird best friends from the engineering track who have together blown up part of the engineering department no less than _four_ times since the beginning of the term. Admiral Archer glared at them every time he saw Scotty, and Porthos seems to cower behind his daddy every time he so much as smells them, so Jim thinks there’s something going on there, but Scotty is amazing, and Jim honestly loves him. And Keenser, who doesn’t talk very much, but Scotty seems to be one hundred percent certain of what he means at all time. Maybe Keenser’s species is telepathic too. He’s not sure, it might just be Scotty being weird.

 

Jim is utterly helpless to stop himself, really, he can’t do it, he falls in love with everyone. He fell in love with the Enterprise when he was still back in Iowa, there seemed no limit to the species and people he loved.

 

He was lost to all these people. Gaila though, he’d probably have honestly pursued her if he weren’t already gone on Spock. She was amazing.

 

He let out a stifled giggle as the orion tugged him through the dark empty engineering department in the middle of the night. It was supposed to be empty and locked at this time, but apparently none of the engineering students with any sort of talent for hacking could be kept out, so the instructors have long since stopped scolding students for getting in when they shouldn’t be.

 

“Where are we going, Gaila?”

 

She grinned back at him. Neither of them could call themselves drunk, to be honest, mainly because neither of them are of age to drink yet, but they were pleasantly tipsy. “You said you felt like you were in zero gravity, I wanted to be in zero gravity too.”

 

Jim perked up, outright bouncing as he followed her down the hallway. “We’re going to the grav chambers? I love those! You know, I spent a few months when I was seven on a ship with grav chambers, I loved it, but my mother made me come back to the Vauganaught with them because the doctors were throwing hissy fits about what being in low-g would do to a growing child.”

 

“We’re mostly fully grown now, it’s not like we’re gonna be in there for too long.”

 

She tugged him into a room, and he followed with an off kilter stumble, eyes wide as he took in the control room for the grav chamber. Gaila sat down behind one of the control systems, starting up the chamber beyond the observation room. It was a padded chamber with soft floors and ceilings, big enough for an entire group, it would be perfect for them.

 

She turned on the chamber, but before they could go in, Jim pulled out his PADD and plugged it into the control system, turning on a music playlist.

 

“Whoo, zero G dance party!”

 

Jim just giggled again, following her into the chamber.

 

Being in zero gravity was like being nowhere. Jim had once tried being in one of those sensory deprivation tanks before, the ones with the water, but he’d had a panic attack halfway through because his nose was a little stuffy from a cat rubbing up against him, and it made his ear pop, and since his ear was in water, that was painful and he had freaked out.

 

This was nothing like that. This was floating and falling and moving but staying in the same place all at once, and this was good, and it made him feel full inside, and it made him fall in love with Gaila even more as they floated in that nowhere space that made life’s little things worth while. He wanted to live here, but that might just be the tequila talking.

 

The systems operators found them sleeping in the fully functioning grav chamber when he came in around four in the morning the next day, the chambers speakers gently belting out some weird twenty first century song about starships. She sighed as she started slowly increasing the gravity until they landed on the padded floor. This isn’t the first time this has happened.

 

***

 

“So how’s this supposed to go again, and should I have medical on standby in case one of you gets hurt?”

 

There was a loud snort through the console on the desk, and Leonard looked back to where the vulcan there -Spock’s  _brother_ of all people tho he didn’t look like a vulcan- was sitting, looking amused. “”I thought you  _were_ medical standby?”

 

Leonard raised an eyebrow, and shrugged. “I’m one of the most qualified doctors in Starfleet as a first year, but my specialty is humans, and humans aren’t a species known for their psionic abilities.”

 

“True, because if they were, we wouldn’t need to do this in the first place because Jim would have recognized Spock’s attempts to form a bond and they’d already have one.”

 

Leonard looked over to the bed where Jim was sitting, them all waiting for Spock to finish whatever he wa doing with that lighter so they could start. “Question: what kind of bond is this, and why does Spock need it?”

 

Sybok smiled. It looked stupidly pleasant. Okay, he’s starting to see why Jim was all vulcan crazy. He liked Sybok better though, he showed what he was thinking. “Good question. A preliminary bond between friends, or even acquaintances is fairly standard on Vulcan. Spock is currently on a planet with an almost entire PSI null species, meaning that the regular bonds he forms with people in his everyday life here, are entirely non-existent. Theoretically, he  _could_ do just fine without any bonds on Earth, but it’s too late, he’s already made friends with Jim, so any attempts to cut all emotional ties with the humans around him at this point, would just be stressful.”

 

Jim frowned. “I don’t want Spock to go reclusive, but would that be easier?”

 

Spock sat on the bed next to him with a straight face from what Leonard could tell, but whatever  _Jim_ saw there made him melt down into his seat a little, looking soft. “I do not wish to exclude myself from my peers.”  _Or you_ , was unspoken, but even Leonard got that one. He sighed a little, realizing that no matter how much teenage romance drama annoyed him -mainly because he went through the same damn thing and only now realizes how dumb it all was- he wasn’t going to convince them that they should be focusing on their studies, and not each other.

 

He wasn’t stupid, even humans needed to bond with people to be healthy, vulcans simply needed a more metaphysical bond to rely on to keep themselves sane. If he could bond with Joanna like he knew vulcan parents did, hell, even if he could bond with Jim, he’d give that a go. Humans had just as much of a craving to be close to others, and he couldn’t deny it, even if he couldn’t help but think the two of them were being overly dramatic about it.

 

Life would be easier if we could all feel each other’s sorrow and happiness alike.

 

Sybok sighed through the console, getting Leonard’s attention, though the idiots were still gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes like they were the only thing in the world. He raised an eyebrow at the bored looking vulcan. “Something wrong?”

 

“Are they always so…?”

 

“Lovey dovey?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Unfortunately. Will that affect things?”

 

Sybok shrugged, looking iffy on that subject as a whole, and for a second, Leonard wondered about the future of the vulcan race if this man was supposedly going to be the most powerful mind adept on their planet. Could that affect the vulcan race as a whole?

 

“Well, to be honest, as love as Spock doesn’t decide to say fuck it and go straight for a marriage bond, they should be fine.” He snorted, shaking his head, amused. “Well, unless the two of them somehow happen to be telsu, which, well, the chances of that are low.”

 

“I’ve heard that word before, what’s that?”

 

Sybok paused, staring at Leonard for a long moment, his ears flushing a little green at the tips. “Telsu, is… the Terran equivalent I think would be… soulmates.”

 

Leonard’s eyes went wide. “How can you tell?”

 

Sybok shrugged. “Well, you have to have a third party verify it to be certain, it’s sort of like being in the middle of a sandstorm, you can’t see the outside of the tornado if you’re inside of it, so you don’t recognize it for what it is other than a bunch of dirt kicking up in your face, but it’s when you have a pre-formed bond, something that pre-dates you even meeting the other person, usually a bond that’s been there since birth, though you’d only know it by checking for it specifically.”

 

Leonard nodded, slowly. “Okay, so… that leads to a few questions, vulcans have soulmates? What about humans?”

 

“Vulcans occasionally have soulmates, but with a psionic race like ours, we’ve sort of adapted past the evolutionary  _need_ for soulmates. I don’t know, T’Pau could probably explain it so it makes sense but I think it’s all bullshit. Humans pretty much always have a soulmate, though meeting them is rare, I heard. You guys have a much larger population than vulcans.”

 

Leonard nodded. “Okay, my brain just got turned inside out, but ignoring that, what are the chances of them being… telsu?”

 

Sybok was quiet for a minute, watching the two of them on the bed, still happily in their own little quiet world. “Th’y’la bonds, that is, entirely male telsu bonds, basically, gay soulmates if you will,” Leonard snorted here, far too amused, “... they’re a dying breed. I don’t doubt they exist, but there hasn’t been a recorded th’y’la bond in nearly a hundred years. It’s fine, chances are low, Spock and Jim will get a regular preliminary bond, and Spock will have someone to help anchor him in his everyday life on Earth, and everything will go back to normal and they can continue their illicit love affair, hopefully without Mother and Father figuring out because that’s an awkward conversation to have. Teenage romance is always awkward, they’ll probably calm down… eventually.”

 

Leonard moved closer to the console, words quiet when he spoke. “Indulge me for a moment, if they were telsu, how would that affect this bond?”

 

“They would probably think they had a preliminary bond, because of the lack of vulcans on the planet to tell them otherwise, but it would be a marriage bond.”

 

They both looked back to the bed, where Jim was smiling a little, gently running one finger up and down Spock’s palm. The sight of it made Sybok turn a dusty green in his cheeks, looking back to Leonard. “It’s probably fine. If not… I’ve yet to ever meet a pair of soulmates who didn’t want to be bonded, even the ones who were platonic. It’s probably fine though.”

 

“So, no matter the outcome, they’ll be fine with it?” That was a load of his shoulders at least. This situation seemed more and more like a gamble the further they walked into it. Sybok gave him an ‘encouraging’ smile -that didn’t look encouraging at all- and shrugged again. Leonard is starting to wonder if he learned human syntax and body language from their human mother. Probably not, since she created the universal translator. Actually, that one was a toss up.

 

“Hey, lovesick puppies, we’re ready for you to start.”

 

Jim and Spock looked over at them, and Spock seemed to have a matching green hue in his ears to his brother. Jim pouted though. “I thought the two of you were getting along so well we’d let you two get to know one another.”

 

Leonard rolled his eyes. “Whatever you two need to do, get to it, I’m getting nauseous watching you two flirt like that.”

 

Jim sighed, turning to Spock with a grin. “Okay, lay your brain on me, bro.”

 

Spock looked distressed at the very sentence, and Leonard and Sybok both snorted in unison, sharing an amused look as Spock obviously considered rethinking this whole thing. Jim just grinned at him though, and after a few seconds it utterly melted the vulcan. Just as Leonard was thinking about telling them to get it on with, he noticed Jim’s hand stroking along Spock’s raised wrist, probably the catalyst of the pile of vulcan mush on the bed, and Spock gently fitted his fingers over Jim’s meld points.

 

He looked over to Sybok, who was watching them utterly fascinated, and figured this was probably the extent to the main event. After a good twenty seconds, the two of them broke apart, and Jim was the mushy one this time, grinning up at Spock with a sappy face, completely enraptured in the wake of the vulcan’s thoughts. Oh  _lord_ , they’re even more in love now.

 

Teenagers. Leonard is too old for this shit.

 

“How are you two feeling?”

 

Jim turned to the console and Leonard with that big stupid grin taking over his face, and Leonard decided not to gripe at him about it, not wanting to ‘harsh his mellow’ or whatever the kids now days said about the adults. Let’s just ignore the fact that Leonard McCoy is barely pushing twenty six.

 

“I feel buzzy inside.”

 

Leonard raised an eyebrow. “Buzzy like three beers, or buzzy like half a joint?”

 

“I’m allergic to marijuana.”

 

Leonard shouldn’t be laughing at that, but he is. “Okay, you feeling okay, Jimmy?”

 

Jim nodded, still looking utterly dreamy. “I’m good. No pain, no bad.”

 

“No IQ either, apparently.”

 

“That will return to him eventually. He’s exceptionally receptive to melding. Even after all these years our mother usually still gets a migraine afterwards.”

 

Leonard frowned. “Then why does she do it?”

 

“If you could bond with your child, wouldn’t you?” He voiced Leonard’s thoughts from before, and Leonard almost wanted to roll his eyes a little.

 

“Yeah yeah, okay, so are we good now? No need for medical intervention?”

 

Jim shook his head loftily, flopping back in the bed with a dopey grin on his face still. Jesus. Spock turned to the good doctor with what Leonard swears was almost a smile on his face, and Leonard relaxed a little, glad the two of them weren’t rejecting each other at least. “We are both functioning adequately, Doctor.”

 

Leonard snorted, getting up from the chair with a stretch. “Well, that was anti-climatic. At least I can put ‘has supervised vulcan-human mind melding techniques on my resume now.”

 

“Ah, turn the console off before you go will you, I doubt the two of them are leaving that bed for a while and I don’t wanna see anything.”

 

Leonard smirked at the older vulcan, reaching over to do just that. “Alright you two, I’m going now, but I have my comm on me, if things start turning sour, I expect a call right away.”

 

Jim let out a lazy hum, waving at him with his hand, eyes never leaving Spock’s. “Kay kay, bye, Bones.”

 

Leonard snorted, letting himself out of the room when the vulcan leaned in to press a very human kiss to the blonde.

 

Oh great, he has the feeling they might not leave their dorm room today.

 

***

 

Jim didn’t like being around people who said that scars were attractive.

 

It’s not that he thought unmarred perfect skin was the only good skin, he in fact loved the idea that scars were proof that the human race had the ability to knit itself back together after damage, to keep going, even after losing limbs and being shot. Scars were in fact, beautiful, in the idea that they meant you were strong. Jim had a lot of scars, mainly on his back, because it was hard to reach back there to patch himself up after getting hurt, and having lived most of his life off world, there were many times that Jim didn’t have someone there to help him.

 

He’s been gathering up scars since long before Tarsus, and no matter how much his parents said they would support him and help him if he wanted to get them fixed, Jim didn’t want them gone. Scarred skin was stronger skin, and he was a stronger person.

 

But still, being around people who found scars attractive sexually, made him want to be sick, to be honest. Scars were a sign of strength, and that was good, but how they got there was because of violence. He doesn’t see how anyone could wish violence on their partner just for an aesthetic.

 

Maybe he’s weird, maybe other people can separate the two, and maybe others still see nothing but strength while having sex, but he just doesn’t see it.

 

It’s why he didn’t like getting fucked on his hands and knees. His back was a mess of scars, and he didn’t see why anyone should find that attractive.

 

But, like he’d found out with other partners before -other partners that he logically shouldn’t have had at that age, other partners that even he’s starting to see shouldn’t have been there- he was absolutely stupid for getting fucked like that, sensitive almost to the point of too much, dizzy with it.

 

He liked that, he liked feeling wrecked like that. It was almost good enough to make him forget that his partner was staring at a mess of scars on his back.

 

He knew that Spock knew that, because they still had issues keeping Spock from reading his thoughts when they touched, and sex involved a lot of touching.

 

But that also meant that Spock knew how much he liked it. How much he liked being forced up on his hands and knees and fucked until he was seeing stars and shaking. That’s where they were at now, Jim with his thighs shaking as he leaned his chest down low against the mattress, back bowed as he clutched at the bedsheets in his hands, too sensitive to do anything but take it.

 

But then the thoughts started floating in, just as he was reaching that level where he’s about to tip over the edge, but they hold him back, painfully sticking in his stomach as he’s unable to get that release he wants, angrily aware of the fact that he’s covered in scars, and he can’t fathom why Spock would want to look at that when they fuck.

 

Spock was a good person though, and he leaned over Jim’s back, going even deeper inside of him in a way that made Jim gasp. The position change would have sent Jim happily over the edge if he weren’t being uncomfortably held back. Spock gently fit his fingers to Jim’s meld points while he thrust, deep inside and _so_ so good. “Ashayam, would you let me show you what I see when I look at you?”

 

Jim almost wanted to tell him no, not wanting to see those scars, but he also trusted Spock more than anything, so he nodded, feeling the floodgates open in their minds as images came pouring in.

 

He suddenly knew what it was like to feel pleasure with a body that wasn’t his own. He knew that Spock was extra sensitive around the base of his cock and grinding it into Jim’s bond like this was shooting sensations all up his spine. He knew that Spock was fond of biting Jim’s neck, where he was mouthing now. He knew that Spock was even more sensitive to when Jim sucked on his fingers while they fucked, and he gave the pad of Spock’s finger in his mouth a little nibble just to hear that groan against his neck.

 

He knew that Spock was as close to the edge as he was, and he wanted to feel Jim fall apart around him. He knew what Spock felt about his scars, and it wasn’t that they were attractive, it’s that he thought human skin was stronger than most species, and that he wasn’t looking at them when they fucked like this. He was listening to the little breathy gasps that Jim gave out around Spock’s fingers in his mouth, he was watching the way Jim pushed back against him whenever he could muster up the energy to be something other than a boneless heap, and the possessive rumble of approval in Spock’s chest when Jim failed to get up the energy to fuck himself back on Spock, too good to move.

 

Emotional transference was one thing, but the Jim couldn’t hold himself back at the feeling of Spock’s pleasure intertwining with his own, letting out a desperate little sob in the back of his throat as they both went over that edge at the same time, overwhelmed at how good it was.

 

Jim thought that Spock has completely ruined him for anyone else, he’s never going to get over that perfect feeling of their minds together. He knew that Spock agreed with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, in case you didn't fully catch that, Sam is in a HELLA big poly relationship with five people and they're open to more.


	4. Feel Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive, no, I didn't abandon this fic, do NOT imply that you thought I abandoned this fic, it'll only annoy me. I just have adhd and a million other fics to work on too, calm down. It only took me a year and two days to finish this calm down.
> 
> Also, I rearranged a single scene in chapter 3 to make this last chapter fit.

There was something primal about the way Spock held onto his hips, even when they weren’t fucking, which was rare since they’d melded three days before. Jim can count on one hand the number of times they’ve left their dorms, and two out of three of those times were failed attempts to go to their classes before they both gave up and shamefully asked Leonard to put them on medical leave. The last time was when Jim had gone to the cafeteria in their dorm and ate so much food he felt sick, and fallen asleep on a bench, until Spock came down and retrieved him. The other students had given them some funny looks at that.

 

Technically, this was medical leave. Both Leonard and Sybok agreed that, while most likely, they have a much deeper mental connection to each other than intended, neither of them could really  _ help  _ themselves. This burning heat, this, constant need to drive each other to the edge of need and over again and again, neither of them really had a choice in it. It was a burning desire that both Leonard and Sybok knew they weren’t entirely in control of.

 

Which is why Sybok had gone so far as to get a transport to Earth that week, in a desperate attempt to figure out where things had gone wrong, while Spock and Jim had an early pon farr-esque sex marathon that put all college students everywhere to shame.

 

“Kid, you are so lucky your parents are off world, humans aren’t as understanding about sex marathons as vulcans you know.”

 

Jim snorted, laying on his side while Spock blanketed him from behind, nibbling at his neck, having long ago abandoned all pretenses of pretending he wasn’t a walking hormone pot. They were on the comm with Leonard, the grumpy doctor getting his say in while they were on a lull. Spock had one hand gently running up and down Jim’s thigh while they sat, but didn’t go any further. 

 

This was the first time they were properly cleaned and relaxed in  _ days _ . Jim was sore and fucked out, and Spock was calm enough to indulge him a few hours of inactivity, but the two of them together were utterly pleased and happy. Spock was  _ purring _ even, a light rumble against his back while the two of them enjoyed each other’s bodies and minds.

 

But the way Spock would fit his fingers to the light bruises on Jim’s hips where he’d held him so tightly before, it was heady.

 

“I know. If Dad was on world he’d have done something drastic and accused Spock of coercion, I’m sure of it. Can you imagine if word got out about how potentially explosive this situation might be? That could be bad.”

 

“For someone directly in the middle of that situation, you don’t seem all that upset.”

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt this satisfied before, both mentally and physically.”

 

There was a snort on the other line. “And what’s mister loud and rumbly say?”

 

Jim looked back at Spock, who just purred louder and bit into the soft skin of Jim’s shoulder, looking utterly pleased with himself. “He became incapable of rational speech sometime this morning. It’s like getting blown out by a giant cat. But without penis barbs.”

 

“Thanks, that’s a mental image I’m never going to get rid of. Not worried about that, are you, huh?”

 

Jim would purr himself if he was capable of it. He was  _ so _ pleased right now. His mate was  _ so _ happy. “I’m worried about if I’ll ever get my melons.”

 

Leonard let out an amused snort. “Calm down, I’m going to the check out right now, fresh watermelon and cantaloupe is on it’s way.”

 

Jim  _ really _ loved Leonard McCoy, he was a good man and a southern gentleman and he was Jim’s best friend.

 

Spock bit into the skin connecting Jim’s shoulder and neck, one of the few safe spaces Jim had found he likes having touched, but the bite wasn’t a friendly one, it came with a distinct reprimand in mind as he did it. Right, no praising other men right now.

 

Another reprimand followed it. Okay, no praising  _ any _ gender right now, only Spock.

 

Jim could feel Spock’s pelvis was hot and swollen against his backside, and he reluctantly rolled away a little, sitting up. “Might wanna hurry up on the food run, Bones. Spock’s getting… shall we say, antsy, again.”

 

Leonard let out a little groan, and his voice came out as barely a mutter. “Can’t he go two hours without fucking you?”

 

Jm blushed, not quite sure how to say that Spock is most likely getting aroused because of the jealous need to mate so Jim couldn’t find another mate without him. “Well, he sorta… I was happy that you were bringing me food and he got… jealous, I think. He’s annoyed now, but not very clingy anymore, so if I can keep some distance between us until you get here, I can probably get a few more hours of peace.”

 

“Alright, I’ll be there in five minutes. Nothing else you direly need before I leave the store?”

 

Jim looked around for a moment before shrugging. “I don’t think so. All I really wanted was melon, and you can’t use a replicator for that.”

 

“You know, that’s going to be a lot of carbs, you shouldn’t eat that much carbs, it’ll raise your insulin and make you tired.”

 

Jim looked back at Spock, who was laying on his side, big eyes watching him with rapt fascination. His pelvis seemed less swollen though, so he’d be less likely to be molested before Leonard could get there.

 

“I choked down a full avocado before we took a shower. Most disgusting thing I’ve had in my mouth in a long time, but it’s good for you and I’m not allergic to it, so okay.”

 

“Alright, I’m in your building now, I’ll be there in a minute, but if I come in will Spock do something… okay to be frankly honest, if I come in will he get pissed?”

 

Jim watched Spock carefully for a moment, before cringing. “I have no idea.”

 

Leonard sighed. “Well, I’m risking it. I’m here, let me in.”

 

Jim grabbed a pair of pajama bottoms off the floor and pulled them on as he moved to open the door. Leonard had a partially nervous look on his face when he came in, as if bracing himself for a possible attack.

 

On the other hand, Spock just looked at him for a moment before looking back to Jim, not bothering with clothes like he had. Jim took the bags from Leonard and started piling the mini fridge with fresh melon. God he’s been craving melon for a day now. Oh, bless Leonard McCoy and his Georgian heritage, there was an entire bag of peaches too. So much for ‘stop eating all those carbs, Jimmy’. 

 

He heard a growl and stood back up in time to see Leonard holding out his hands non-threateningly towards the vulcan, who just growled at him again, sitting cross legged on the bed, and scooting over a foot so he was no longer right next to him. Leonard just sighed, holding up the tricorder. “Calm down, I only need to make sure you’re healthy. You want to make sure you’re healthy, right?”

 

Spock just glared at the thing like it had insulted his mother. “No.”

 

Jim came over and sat on the other side of the bed behind Spock. “Spock,  _ I _ want to make sure you’re healthy.”

 

Spock seemed split between growling more at Leonard, or curling back into his mate, giving him much needed attention. After a few moments of silence, he turned to tuck his warm face into Jim’s neck, leaving Leonard to sigh and start fiddling with the tricorder, checking the vitals while Spock left little kisses along the underside of Jim’s chin. Jim just gave him a happy little look, kissing him on the forehead. He loved this idiot. It was  _ his _ idiot.

 

“God, you two are sickly cute. I hate it.”

 

Jim just looked up at Bones with eyes a little full of tears. He probably shouldn’t be in full contact with Spock while trying to be serious, but Spock was so warm and nice and perfect. He pulled the vulcan further into his lap, nuzzling into his hair. “Bones, I love him  _ so _ much.”

 

Leonard just sighed, putting the tricorder down, looking guilty. “Okay, how long do you think you can get this lull to last? His brother’s shuttle will be arriving in the spaceport in less than an hour, I can get him down here within five minutes of landing.”

 

Jim just nodded, letting Spock curl their hands together soothingly. “Yeah, I can get it to last that long. How’s he looking?”

 

Leonard glanced at the tricorder again before closing it. “If the packet Sybok sent me was correct, he’s… it’s not  _ quite _ Pon Farr, since he likely would have tried to kill me if I’d come in during that, plus he’d like not have any…  _ lulls _ , during heat. But it sort of matches the symptoms of… you know what, let’s just wait till his brother gets here, I obviously don’t know what I’m talking about but he’ll be able to figure it out in minutes I’m sure.”

 

Jim didn’t look so convinced, shifting to a better position so he could support a very  _ densely _ boned vulcan laying back on his chest. For someone so damn skinny, Spock had some weight on him.

 

Leonard looked away and back again before opening his mouth again. “Medicine cabinet?”

 

Jim pointed behind him. “In the bathroom.”

 

Leonard just nodded and left the room. Spock watched him go with a glare before sitting up again, looking at Jim accusingly, like this was all  _ his _ fault. Jim just grinned at him and got up to grab one of the containers of pre-cut watermelon out of the fridge. God he’s been thirsty, and hungry, and melon is good.

 

Leonard came back into the room as Jim was attempting to convince Spock to try some melon, but the man was sprawled out on the bed, looking tired and lazy and uninterested in food. He held out a little cup with about five pills in it. “Your antihistamines shouldn’t be skipped, Jimmy, you could make yourself sick. The rest is for sore muscles, joint swelling, since sex is hard on joints and not something humans should have a marathon of, and vitamins.”

 

Jim stared down at the little cup of pills as if it personally offended him, before tilting the whole thing back in his mouth, gagging once while he tried to swallow the whole thing, before finally getting it and immediately following the pills with another mouthful of watermelon.

 

Leonard just nodded. “Good enough. Don’t ignore your pills, I’ve never met anyone with more allergies than you, Jimmy you could  _ honestly _ do yourself damage if you forget them for long enough.”

 

Jim waved him off, looking tired. “I know I know, same thing doctors have been telling me for years. Pollen is shit, but at least it’s rarely on starships.”

 

Spock made a weird little chirring noise and finally lifted his head off Jim’s thigh. “Michael was on a ship with pollen.”

 

He lowered his head back down and nuzzled into Jim’s thigh, making a sad little noise at the fabric he found before moving his face up to press into Jim’s hip, burying his nose into the sharp bone. Jim ran his fingers through thick hair, trying not to yelp when Spock gave him a little bite to the skin.

 

“Michael…”

 

“Their sister. Adopted.” Jim gave Leonard a funny look and he shrugged. “Adopted. She’s in Starfleet too, worked with Admiral Georgiou when she was still a captain, got promoted to captain herself under her command.”

 

Jim hummed, nodding. “I see Starfleet seems to run in the family.”

 

Leonard gave him the blandest look. “You have two admirals for parents, kid.”

 

Jim looked around for a moment before shrugging. “Nepotism?”

 

Leonard let out a little sigh, moving to the side of the room with the console, and opening up the window above the desk, before going over to the couch and flopping down with a grunt. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave you two alone till Sybok gets here.”

 

Spock lifted his head curiously, looking at Leonard with fuzzy eyes at the mention of his brother, before sitting up on the bed with a little clicking noise. Leonard just squinted his eyes at him. “Oh god, has he gone non-verbal? That’s probably bad, right?”

 

Spock gave him the most offended look, and neither of the humans could keep themselves from laughing at it. Jim leaned in and pressed a little kiss to his cheek. Spock was  _ cute _ .

 

“Where’s Joanna?” Jim gave up trying to feed the vulcan, who went back to sulking, curled up around a pillow. His penis was fully retracted, and he didn’t seem so willing to try to mate now that Leonard was there, thank goodness, but he didn’t seem all that willing to get dressed either, making himself comfortable around the pillow. Jim grabbed the throw blanket off the back of the couch as he came back from the mini fridge with cantaloupe and a water bottle, arranging the blanket over Spock as he sat back down.

 

“I got Sulu and his fiance to watch her. I think they’re considering having a kid, and it means I can use them for babysitting.”

 

Jim made a sour face. “I love children, but if I consider having one this early, smack me. Not even I’m that willing to dive head first into domesticity this young.”

 

Leonard snorted, leaning back with his eyes shut. It was very early to be awake in his humble opinion, especially after a long shift the day before, but Sybok was going to be there soon and Jim had sent him a comm message, stating his  _ urgent _ and  _ immediate _ need for fruit. Leonard had been too eager to get some fluids into him to tell him to fuck himself this early in the morning, so he’d dropped Jo off with the weird across the hall neighbors and headed off to the store before he was really properly awake. Jo had been blessedly limp in his arms when he had passed her over to an equally tired Hikaru who had blinked at him with the commiseration of someone who didn’t know how to function before coffee either.

 

“Thankfully, neither of you have the ability to get pregnant. You can save that for your midlife crisis.”

 

He sat up with a frown when there was a knock on the door and went to it. “Can’t be Sybok, he hasn’t even landed yet.”

 

He opened the door and let out a gust of air when he came face to face with a sunshine bright Uhura on the other side.

 

“Uhura, what are you doing here?”

 

She tried to look behind him into the room, but the privacy screen, as always, was a solid wall between them and the bed, and frowned. “Why are  _ you _ here? Stevens said that Spock and Kirk both had the flu, I haven’t seen them in days, but I figured since they were still in their quarters they were mostly skipping class so they didn’t get anyone else sick. Are they getting worse?”

 

Leonard gaped for a few seconds before sighing and nudging her out the door, closing it behind them so they were in the hallway. It wasn’t private, but it would be better than letting her see Spock naked, and possibly getting growled at. “Um… they’re doing a lot better than they were before, but… Spock’s symptoms are a lot different than a humans and Jim was getting worried about him, so I came to check up on them. Also, Jim wanted some melon and I was eager to get more fluids in him, so I came by with fruit.”

 

He scratched the side of his nose before he could stop himself, and was instantly grateful she didn’t know him well enough to know that was his tell. His comm beeped in his pocket and he pulled it out, seeing it was Sybok, and his shuttle had arrived early. “Actually, Spock’s brother just arrived on planet, and he’s a registered healer, so he’ll be able to tell me if his symptoms are on par for him. Since he’s half human it’s a little hard to tell sometimes.”

 

She nodded, looking a little sad. “Oh. Well, it’s good that he’ll have people looking in on him. If he’s just got the flu, what strange symptoms is he showing?”

 

Leonard shrugged, deciding to go close to the truth. “He’s… not eating, won’t put clothes on… slightly non-verbal.”

 

Uhura’s eyebrows went up, but she nodded slowly. “Well, if that’s… normal, then I guess it’s okay.” She held up the bags she’d come with, and Leonard could smell something good in them. “Oh, well if Spock isn’t eating I guess he won’t be much interested in this, but it’s soup, and I checked as well as I could with Jim’s allergies, it shouldn’t set any of them off. Soup is always good if you need more fluids.”

 

Leonard reached for the bags before pausing with a frown. “How do you know Jim’s allergies? I thought you needed my level of clearance to get that?”

 

She looked a little embarrassed, glancing down at the bags for a moment. “Uh… Gaila has the list on her PADD. She didn’t want to ever give him anything that could hurt him. I… swiped her PADD while she was still sleeping and copied the list since I wanted to get them something to eat. I didn’t mean it maliciously, I promise, I just didn’t want to make Jim  _ worse _ .”

 

Leonard gently took the bags from her hands, and for the first time, he thought, maybe Uhura didn’t  _ hate _ Jim, she just didn’t know how to talk to him. Not too many people knew how to talk to him.

 

“Well, I don’t advise letting anyone else get a hold of that list unless you know they’re likely to feed him something off it, but, thank you. For making an effort not to poison him and all.”

 

She smiled at him, and was about to turn away to leave, before a ruffled looking vulcan stalked up to them and said, “are they still having a sex marathon? Did Spock start mauling him and you had to leave the room? Seriously, is Spock turning feral?”

 

Uhura looked between Leonard and the vulcan with wide eyes and a dropped jaw, before turning an accusing look on Leonard, who just looked shame faced while holding bags of soup. “They’re not  _ sick _ ? They took off half a week of classes so they could  _ fuck _ ?”

 

Sybok looked between Leonard and Uhura for a moment before frowning. “Who’s this?”

 

Leonard let out a little sigh. “Spock’s friend. She thought Jim and Spock had the  _ flu _ .”

 

He gave the vulcan a pointed look, and was promptly ignored. “Well, this is a little more sensitive than the  _ flu _ , and I’m still not properly sure what’s wrong with them.”

 

Uhura went back to staring gaped mouth at them. “Wait, okay, if they don’t have the flu, what  _ is _ going on? Did Spock go into Pon Farr?”

 

Sybok snorted, waving her off. “That’s nonsense, not even  _ I’m _ old enough to go through that yet, and if it was, Spock would have torn Leonard’s head off for coming into the room at all. I can smell him on you, I know you’ve been in there.”

 

Leonard raised an eyebrow. “That’s disturbing, thanks. But either way, he’s mimicking the symptoms of it very well, other than… lulls, and less violent.”

 

Uhura turned to him with crossed arms. “Wait, so your assessment that it’s  _ not _ Pon Farr is hinging on the fact that he’s  _ not _ horny on main and trying to tear your head off?”

 

Leonard narrowed his eyes at the girl, before shrugging a little. “Listen, okay, I have  _ no idea _ what’s wrong with him, I’m just saying it’s mimicking the symptoms of Pon Farr heat stage, and so I called Sybok here.”

 

Sybok sighed, moving towards the door before turning around and taking the soup bags from Leonard’s hands. “I’m going to go make contact and hope Spock doesn’t see his brother as competition. If this is an issue with their bond, I should know right away.”

 

Leonard nodded, watching him go bravely into the unknown. Uhura turned to him when he was gone, eyes wide. “Their  _ bond _ ?”

 

Leonard winced. “A few weeks ago, Spock noted troubles with his ability to… focus, and so they called Sybok, who suggested Spock was subconsciously trying to form connections between himself and his peers, but couldn’t, because none of us are telepathic, so a bond needs to be… nurtured, or it wouldn’t form. Basically, he needed to make one manually, or it wouldn’t happen. Jim was the one he wanted a bond with. They bonded a few days ago, and they’ve been having a non-stop sex marathon since. They can’t seem to stay away for long or they get weird.”

 

They both turned back to the door, waiting in silence for two minutes, with an awkwardness that neither of them could properly find a way around. Finally, they didn’t have to find a way around it, when the door opened and Sybok came out with a frantic look.

 

“I found out what’s wrong. Jim wants to talk with you.”

 

Leonard just nodded and went in, but Uhura stared at Sybok awkwardly for a minute before the man sighed and let her in too. She was Spock’s friend. 

 

The room was awkwardly silent. Jim was awkwardly stuffing his face with the soup Uhura had brought, not looking any of them in the eye. Spock was awkwardly naked, lounging across the bed like an oversized cat while he pillowed his head on Jim’s thighs. Leonard was an awkward person. Uhura was awkwardly nosy. Sybok is also an awkward person.

 

Oh boy this is fun.

 

“So, is anyone going to explain what’s happening?”

 

Sybok startled, looking over at Leonard, surprised out of his thoughts. “Oh, yeah, that’s my job. Okay, so Jim and Spock made a preliminary bond, you guys know that now, right?”

 

They all nodded.

 

“Right. Okay so thing is, since I was on Vulcan when I made the assumption that Spock was  _ lonely _ , I told him to ask Jim to bond with him, since that was the obvious choice. Perfectly normal for vulcans to do that sort of thing. I just thought Spock needed a buddy, whatever. But it turns out, he  _ wasn’t _ lonely, but instead, he’d just met his soulmate.”

 

Leonard and Uhura gaped at him. “You said that wasn’t likely!”

 

Sybok shrugged. “Oh god, they’re the first recorded telsu bond in like, what, a hundred years? I just assumed my brother was normal and regular and boring and there was no way Jim would turn out to be his soulmate and he would have a crush on him and have a fuckbuddy while he was in the academy and when he hit Pon Farr later in life he would go to T’Pring and they would get married and his life would be  _ boring _ but my brother hasn’t been  _ boring _ since he told the VSA where they could  _ stuff it _ last year when they insulted Mother at his acceptance hearing so, yeah, he’s… the first recorded telsu bond in nearly a hundred years.”

 

Uhura and Leonard looked between each other for a long minute while Jim got off the bed to go put the rest of the soup in the mini fridge and came back to sit down behind Spock, petting his purring mate with a hand through his hair. He looked pensive, but undisturbed. Spock looked  _ smug _ at Sybok telling them all about his  _ amazing, perfect, glorious _ bond with his loving mate. He didn’t even have to stake this claim himself, Sybok was being a good brother and explaining exactly why Jim and Spock were perfect and belonged together forever and ever. Good brother.

 

Uhura blinked a few times, looking between Spock and Sybok. “He… got admitted to the VSA?”

 

Sybok nodded, lips tight together while he watched Jim pet his brother’s hair. “He did.”

 

“And he told them to  _ stuff it _ ?”

 

“In a vulcan sort of way. If they had insulted Mother like that in front of me I likely would have thrown something. A fit, a chair, something would have been thrown.”

 

Jim snorted on the bed, tracing Spock’s ear tips while the vulcan buried his face in his bare stomach, purring a little less at the reminder of the VSA insulting his mom, but still pleased with Jim’s attention.

 

Leonard sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Okay, so why’s he… feral?”

 

Sybok sighed, trying to get his thoughts on track again. “Okay, so here’s where it gets funny okay, so it turns out, Spock wasn’t lonely, his mind recognized that him and Jim were th’y’la, and so it tried to form a bond with him. But no matter how high Jim’s PSI rating is, and it’s high, it’s still not high enough to form a bond with Spock without help. Spock wasn’t lonely, his brain was trying to put a ring on it.”

 

“Which is why Spock had trouble focusing on anything but Jim, and you suggested they bond so Spock would have an anchor point between them.”

 

Sybok nodded. “Exactly. So that was his brain’s  _ first _ attempt to force a marriage bond on them. Make Spock go crazy till they manually formed a bond. Spock and Jim took my advice and created a bond between them, but Spock, being my  _ brother _ , is stronger than… most vulcans. The majority of our clan is stronger than most vulcans. So he was able to  _ prevent _ anything but a preliminary bond from forming, so he didn’t accidentally force a marriage bond on a non-consenting participant.”

 

Spock sat up from where he was pressed into Jim’s stomach and started nuzzling into his neck and face with worried little chirping noises that made Jim grin, nuzzling him back, even if he couldn’t imitate the noises. Sybok just snorted at the gooey loving display, looking at the others in the room with a ‘see what I mean’ look.

 

“Look, even half feral, Spock doesn’t want to hurt him in any way, the idea of a non-consensual bond with his  _ soulmate _ is too painful for him to bear, he just wants them to be all happy and loving and  _ ugh _ , I’m disgusted, I didn’t know vulcans could love that hard. And I’m  _ pro- _ emotion! I think more vulcans should embrace emotionalism! But this is just…  _ satchurine _ .”

 

Leonard and Uhura exchanged a funny look between them, and Uhura asked, “that was the  _ first _ attempt to form a bond between them?”

 

Sybok nodded. “Yes, this is the second attempt,  _ again, failed _ , because Jim isn’t vulcan. This is sort of a… fake Pon Farr? Fake heat if you will. As Spock’s soulmate, even if the bond isn’t fulfilled, Spock being in heat and close to him, will cause Jim to also go into heat in response,  _ if _ Jim was vulcan. But since he’s not, he didn’t go into heat or lose control, and the bond is still unfulfilled. It’s… the only way out from here is to either try to get Spock out of his feral state by putting him through intensive mental therapy, or to fulfill the bond right now.”

 

Sybok finished, looking Jim right in the eye. It was his choice.

 

Jim looked between Sybok and Spock for a minute, thoughtful. “I consent, but I’m not sure Spock  _ can _ right now.”

 

Sybok shook his head a little, moving so he could sit down at the edge of the bed. The sheets were brand new and unused, the black rose comforter stripped to the floor, the room too hot anyways. Thankfully, the open window seems to have cleared out most of the scent.

 

“Listen, Jim, I know this is a little hard to understand, because humans have such… clear defined ways of showing consent. Anything but enthusiastic consent while in your right mind is… wrong. And that’s good, for  _ humans _ , but for vulcans, it’s not quite good enough in situations under duress like this. Your consent isn’t up for question, right?”

 

Jim nodded, smiling a little. “I love him, I would love to spend my life with him. Maybe that’s a little fast for humans, but I’ve been in his head. He’s… he’s really my soulmate? How can you tell?”

 

Sybok reached out and brushed a lot of Jim’s hair away. “I’m going to touch something in your mind, not even deep enough to be considered a mind meld, but just tap something, okay?”

 

Jim nodded, closing his eyes and leaning into the touch. “Okay.”

 

There was a barely there tap. Not like someone going in. Not even like someone knocking on the door, but like a little tap on his mind, like something bumped into him. Spock sat up, ramrod straight in the bed. Jim looked at Spock for a long moment. “Oh.”

 

Sybok reached out for Spock next, and the half vulcan let his brother touch his meld points. “And now, for Spock.”

 

_ Oh _ . He felt something tap that same spot again, but it wasn’t from his side, it was from… he didn’t even know there  _ was _ another side? “It’s a door.”

 

Sybok pulled back from his curious brother with a nod. “Yeah, it’s a door. It’s been there since you were both born. That’s how we know you’re soulmates. Because the door doesn’t exist in anyone else. That’s not the preliminary bond Spock made between you, those are  _ pathways _ , made when you form bonds. Soulmates have doors. You can lock them, keep the other person out. But it’s always there. Since you aren’t a vulcan, you just need some help opening it.”

 

Jim looked back at Spock, cocking his head to the side. Spock copied the move, eyes bright and human, interested in him. So damn  _ curious _ . Spock was always curious about everything. Jim loved that about him. “It’ll help him? He’ll go back to… it’ll help him?”

 

Sybok nodded. “Not instantly. It’s not a light switch. But over the course of about a day he’ll come back to himself. He might still feel funny in a few days but it’ll help.”

 

Jim sighed, looking over to where Uhura and Leonard had camped themselves on the couch while Sybok was tapping at them. Leonard just gave a big sigh, before nodding at him. The logic was sound.

 

Jim looked over at Spock again, a big grin on his face. “Okay. Let’s do it. I think this is a good idea.”

 

Sybok nodded, reaching out for them both again. “Okay, gimme your faces. This is the first wedding I’ve officiated, go easy on me.”

 

Jim frowned at that. “That’s not comforting.”

 

“What, it’s just like getting an online certificate for your friend’s drunk wedding, I hear humans do it all the time.”

 

Jim watched Spock willingly allow access to his meld points again, utterly trusting of his brother, before sighing and giving access too. This time things were deeper. Not quite a tap on the door, but a key in the lock. It took about a minute. Sybok was being so  _ gentle _ with them, making sure everything was in place.

 

And then it was open, and for a moment he was seeing out two sets of eyes, hearing twice as much. Everything was double for a moment, and it left him blinking in confusion before Sybok pulled back from them, and double slowly faded to single.

 

But it was open, and he could feel what Spock felt. He felt elated, at being  _ married _ , he felt joyful at seeing his brother in person, he felt loving because he was with his mate, he felt comfortable because clothes were too stuffy and everyone should embrace nudity sometimes, and he felt  _ happy _ . Just plain happy.

 

“Jimmy?”

 

Jim looked up to see Leonard holding a tricorder in front of him, watching his vitals. “Yes?”

 

Leonard smiled, gentle. “You okay?”

 

Jim nodded, a slow smile spreading on his face. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

 

“You’re crying.”

 

Jim reached up to touch his cheek, and he was crying. Not much, but tears were leaking out. “I’m… I’m so happy, Bones. I’m really very happy.”

 

Leonard put the tricorder down, and leaned in, holding Jim’s head between his hands, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “That’s good, Jimmy. I’m real glad you’re happy. Everything feels good?”

 

Jim nodded at him, looking over at Spock, who was sitting shoulder to shoulder with Uhura, the two of them basking in that silent ‘we don’t need words’ way of theirs. It was amazing, people who knew as many languages as them, and sometimes Spock and Uhura just needed silence.

 

He grinned, looking back up at Leonard before throwing himself at him in a hug, for the first time, uncaring that it bared his scar covered back to Uhura and Sybok in a way that would have made his skin crawl at any other time, just wanting to hug his best friend. “Thank you.”

 

“For what? I didn’t do anything.”

 

Jim shrugged. “I think this means you were the best man at my wedding. That’s enough. Thanks for being here.”

 

Uhura looked away from a particularly nasty scar on Jim’s right shoulder blade and said in a whisper, “I got to be the maid of honor.”

 

Spock just let out a rumbling purr, leaning in to bump shoulders with her once. It was a ringing endorsement. 

 

Jim sat back with a shaky breath, breathing out as he wiped the wetness off his face. He felt really light in his chest. He hasn’t felt this light in years. God he really loved it here.

 

“I’m happy.”

 

Leonard just grinned at him. “I know you are, kid.”

 

Jim looked over at Spock. “You happy?”

 

He held out his hand to him, expecting him to take it, only to let out a laugh when Spock all but pounced on him, leaning in so he could lick at his cheeks, getting the remaining tears off as Jim devolved into giggles.

 

“Okay, I think that’s our que to leave these nesters alone for… what do humans call the time after the wedding?”

 

“Honeymoon.”

 

Sybok snorted, leading Leonard and Uhura out the door with him. “Yeah, that. I suggest you leave them on medical leave for the rest of the week, they’re going to need to… connect. By next week they’ll be back in class, bothering everyone.”

 

“I hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyways, yes, I have plans for more of this series, but the reason I'm capping this fic here is because THIS specific fic is a plot in itself and should be read as one story. Everything else will be in the series it's in. Don't ask for more, just subscribe to the series. 
> 
> gatersgonewild.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> gatersgonewild.tumblr.com


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